


Always Beside Me

by InvisibleNinjaPirate



Category: Space Cases (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Banter, Caring, Character Development, Confessions, Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Injury, Love, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, Protectiveness, Science Fiction, Sleep, So Married, Survival, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 00:43:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19878790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisibleNinjaPirate/pseuds/InvisibleNinjaPirate
Summary: T.J. Davenport and Seth Goddard have an odd talent of finding themselves falling asleep beside one another.  A look at how this trait has evolved over time.





	Always Beside Me

Title: Always Beside Me  
Rating: T  
Pairings: Space Cases - Davenport/Goddard. Riding the Goddenport Express with no shame.  
Summary: Seth Goddard and TJ Davenport seem to always find themselves in situations where they are falling asleep beside one another. A look at the evolution of this quirk in their friendship.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Space Cases.

The first time TJ Davenport fell asleep beside Seth Goddard had been an accident. After a long night assisting him with grading in his quarters (as he defiantly proclaimed not to be a teacher but a starship captain maliciously assigned to glorified babysitting duty), TJ had been left with a pounding migraine, the pain leaving her lightheaded and photosensitive. Trying to remain upright in order to hide the sudden onset, she politely excused herself to leave, stood, promptly lost her equilibrium, and collapsed right into the man's arms. The concern on his face was immediate, wiping away the self-satisfying smirk and defiant aura, replacing it with a furrowed brow, wide eyes, and deeply seated worry lines upon his forehead. 

Settling her on the couch, laying her down carefully, he briskly strode to the small bathroom, returning quickly with two acetaminophen and a glass of water, urging her to take them and put her feet up as he went to dim the lights and retrieve a pillow from the sleeping area to put behind her head. She closed her eyes for a moment, barely registering that he sat back beside her, remembering nothing until she awoke hours later, now securely tucked- fully clothed- into what seemed to be his bed. Her headache had subsided, but it was a mystery how she had ended up there, especially upon noting on closer inspection that the Commander was nowhere to be found. 

Tentatively swinging her legs out from under the covers and pushing herself into a standing position, she found her boots by the door and heard deep breathing coming from the living area. Slipping on the shoes, she crept out and found the man dead asleep on the couch, under an extra blanket and head rested upon the pillow he had given her earlier. For a moment, TJ felt guilty that she had caused him to lose his bed and considered waking him but thought against it. Instead, she left a quick thank you message on his Compupad, leaving it on the coffee table where he would find it in the morning. Then, she silently slipped out of his quarters and made her way back to her own before anyone awoke to find her there. The last thing she needed was for someone- anyone- to get the wrong idea and spread rumors about the reason she was in the Commander's quarters at 0330. 

Neither spoke of the incident again, but when they saw each other the next day, each silently nodded to one another in acknowledgment, half-smiling before turning to the tasks on hand for the day.  
****SC****

It was months before they ended up sleeping in the same room again, this time because he had hurt himself by- of all things- tripping on the corner of her couch as he attempted to storm from her quarters after a particularly spectacular screaming match, twisting his lower back out of joint before hitting the ground with a graceless thud and managing to smack his head on the corner of another piece of furniture- a side table- on the way down. His pained moan of agony immediately scrubbed the fiery anger from TJ's eyes, instead igniting her anxiety as she noted the seemingly unconscious man on her floor that she had been fighting with not two minutes prior. 

“Oh, no! Oh, no,” she repeated over and over, dropping to her knees and pressing her index and middle fingers to his neck, checking for a pulse. The strong beat against the pulse point allowed TJ to release the breath she had been holding. Swallowing her urge to hyperventilate, she focused on doing a quick scan of his body for injury. Back was likely pulled out. Allow him to lay prone. Small knot forming at his right temple, where the head had made hard contact with the table. “Possible concussion,” she muttered softly. “Commander?” she said softly. “Commander? Seth?”

“Urgh,” he moaned in reply. “Not dead yet, TJ.” 

She reflexively smacked his upper arm as she admonished, “Not funny!”

“Argh!” he cried in agony. 

TJ immediately felt guilty. “Sorry,” she quickly apologized. More tentatively she asked, “Do you think you can get on the couch? So I can get you more comfortable?”

“You want to get me comfortable now?” he joked. “Five minutes ago you'd have tossed me from the airlock and…”

“Still not funny.” Her mouth was firmly set in a deep frown as she shook her head. “This is all my fault.”

“That I'm a klutz and didn't pay attention to where I was going? That is hardly-” he started arguing. 

“If I hadn't started a fight with you to begin with, you wouldn't have tried to storm off and you wouldn't have tripped and hurt yourself and be lying on the floor in excruciating agony and-”

“-Miss Davenport-”

“A head injury and likely a back injury and how do I explain this to the Headmistress? I'm supposed to monitor your progress not physically harm you and I fear I've done exactly that and-”

“-Miss Davenport-”

“-I'm sorry, alright?” she wailed hysterically. “I'm sorry that I've been instigating fights and I'm sorry that I care whether or not you return to space and I'm sorry for nagging and picking apart all you do-”

“TJ!” His voice was forceful enough now that she stopped her anxious and nervous ranting, finally looking at him wide eyes. “What happened is no one's fault-”

“It's mine,” she hiccupped.

“Agree to disagree but we can argue that later. First things first. Do you think you can help me get onto the couch?” he asked weakly. “I'll be more comfortable there.”

She nodded and spent the next few minutes attempting to figure out how best to move him while causing minimal pain. Ultimately, pain was inevitable and after nearly ten minutes of turning, bending, and lifting, he was finally laid flat on her couch. Rushing to grab pillows, she returned a few minutes later and placed one under his head and another, after removing his boots, under his feet. “I need to get you some pain meds,” she muttered aloud. “Ibuprofen, naproxen, cyclobenzaprine… I'll need to go to the Medlab.”

“TJ, they're not just going to hand you that stuff,” Seth argued weakly.

“I already have the first two in my medicine cabinet-”

“I can't cocktail those!”

“I’m taking inventory, not prescribing them. As for the latter- well, allow me to take care of it,” she said quickly, waving him off, her eyes seeming to glaze over in thought for a minute before connecting with his. “I'll be back in a few minutes.” 

He was barely able to turn his head to watch her retreating form before squeezing his eyes shut and trying to swallow a shooting pain in his head. Thankfully, TJ returned twenty minutes later, her clipped, accented voice arguing with someone outside. “I shall be perfectly alright, Eric. The wheelchair assist was unnecessary.”

Wheelchair assist? Seth thought. What the hell?

“Miss Davenport, an injury like that requires you to stay off your feet. I still can't believe you walked all the way to the Medlab from here. At least allow me to settle-”

“That will not be necessary, Dr. Anderson,” she cut in, a note of finality in her voice. “I am perfectly capable of laying down on my own. I shall be sure to follow your instructions carefully to the letter in order to feel better. I appreciate your assistance but I can handle things from here. Good day.” TJ hobbled her way into the room, a small bag clutched in her hand. Once the doors closed, her body relaxed considerably. She silently counted to ten, picked up the Compupad on her side table to check something, and then said, “Thank heavens. You would not believe what I had to do to get this medication.”

Seth curiosity was piqued. “What did you do?” he asked carefully. 

“Put on an award-winning performance,” she said flippantly. “All for your benefit I might add.”

“What?”

She glanced at him and let out a loud huff while rolling her eyes. “I… I may have pretended it was me who hurt herself. Put on a splendid show of walking like a duck, clutching my lower back, and imitating your particular brand of agony. Caught Dr. Anderson's attention. Took all I had to insist I did not require an x-ray, just stronger pain meds and a heating pad. And please don't make me explain the indignity of having that man insist on strapping this-” she paused as she lifted her shirt up and un-velcroed a heating device from her midsection, ripping it from her body and tossing it onto the Commander's stomach- “directly onto me. Then ask me for a date.”

Seth briefly forgot his pain as his irises darkened to a dangerous cobalt. “He what?” the Commander growled. He attempted to sit up, then flopped as a searing pain shot up his back, leading to a loud moan.

“Goodness, Seth,” TJ fussed as she came to kneel beside him. Gently, she rolled him over enough to place the heating device under his lower back, then allowed his body to settle more supine. “As for the doctor, I handled it.” She stood up then and left the room, taking the bag with her. 

“What do you mean you handled it? Handled it how? Where are you going?” he asked. His brain tried running through varying scenarios, one more farfetched than the next, considering buttoned-up, proper Davenport was not exactly known for physical violence. 

Returning with a glass of water and several pills, she set them on a side table, and eased him into a reclined position. “So you may take your medicine,” she explained. Handing them off, she explained, “Naproxen to bring down the swelling and help the headache. I can't give you any cyclobenzaprine until I'm sure the threat of having a concussion has passed. Can't have you falling asleep on me and then becoming nauseous. At least not until we can properly diagnose it.”

“Then perhaps I should go to-”

“No!” she exclaimed. “I can handle this.”

“TJ-”

“I can't have everyone knowing I did this to you! So please, allow me to help you,” she insisted.

Seth was quiet for a few minutes, taking the medications. He took his time when he spoke again. “I would have beaten the shit out of him.”

“Pardon?”

“The doctor. Scummy little troll. Copping a feel on a patient when you presented as injured. If any of my soldiers ever complained an officer or anyone else did that to them, I guarantee, that person would have been off my ship,” he ground out. “Permanently.”

TJ was touched. Clearly, the Commander was trying to be noble. Still… “I essentially said the same.”

“He still insisted on escorting you back. Was he trying to score with you?”

“Crude, Commander,” she chastised lightly. “The doctor was warned that every camera in the school was pointed at him and would be for the foreseeable future so one step out of line would garner a one-way trip back to Earth,” she assured him. “He's fully aware that in my position I have the power to make exactly that happen.”

“And have you done that?” Her wry smile was all the answer he needed. “Good.”

They sat in awkward silence for several minutes, until Seth couldn't handle the silence anymore. “Why don't you want people to know about this? It was just an accident.”

She bit the inside of her lip as she answered, “It's complicated.”

“Same complication as last time we were in this position, even though the roles were reversed?” 

There it was. TJ knew she couldn't avoid that topic forever. “People… they think certain things when a woman spends the evening in a man's quarters.”

His eyebrows raised. “You were in pain. You passed out. I let you sleep. I even took the couch. If people don't want to believe that-”

“It's not that simple. I am supposed to be maintaining a sense of professionalism, which is hard enough with needing to fight accusations of nepotism at every turn,” she insisted. “If people knew I had spent the evening- however innocent it was- with you, Father's old student, tongues would surely be wagging. It would not fare well for me. My sister and her moral fluidity regarding employment is already enough for my parents to deal with. I can't have them believing I've become the same.”

The passing comment regarding her sister he let go for now. That he could inquire over later. Focusing on the more pressing concern, he gave thought to their situation as a series of dots connected in his mind. “It's why you just vanished.” It was a statement. 

She nodded. “I left a message so you wouldn't worry.”

“God, TJ, when I didn't see you right away I panicked. I thought something happened to you. I didn't even see the message until after I was pacing frantically trying to figure out my next move and saw my Compupad blinking. You right near gave me a heart attack! I almost called your dad.”

“Please tell me you didn't.”

“Absolutely not. Can you imagine? ‘Hi sir. Your daughter spent the night in my quarters and now I can't find her but I swear it's not what you think.’ You're not the only one who was treading lightly,” he informed her hotly.

“I'm sorry.” She hung her head as her shoulders slumped. “Would I be correct in assuming you won't be doing the same to me?”

He huffed loudly. “Leaving without telling you? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Although…”

“Seth-”

“I was a gentleman. You were in so much pain. So once you finally fell asleep I stayed with you for a while to make sure you were comfortable. You were so peaceful…” his voice trailed off to a whisper. 

“Seth, I-”

“Your head dropped onto my shoulder. I didn't want to disturb you, but you needed rest. Took a little doing, but I managed to move you without waking you up. That's how I knew you were out cold. Took off your boots, covered you up, and decided to sleep on the couch. Didn't want you thinking I had taken advantage-”

“You wouldn't-”

“I know what my intentions were. I wasn't sure right then if you did.” He sighed softly. “Have you thought how you're going to explain my presence here?”

“Haven't gotten that far yet. Still need to make a plan,” she said sheepishly.

“Chances are I'm not going anywhere tonight. You know, concussion. I need to be watched at all times.” A lopsided smirk appeared on his face as he pointed at his head to which TJ answered with a glare, then a pouty smile.

“No. I figured that might be on you. These are my quarters. You appeared here,” she told him with a wry smile. “In the meantime…” She moved from where she sat beside him and moved to his feet, lifting them slightly so she could sit, but not enough to disturb his sacrum, and placed his feet on her lap. “According to my research, I'm supposed to keep you awake for several hours to ensure no concussion symptoms manifest. So, how might I entertain you? And do be a gentleman.”

He nearly choked on his own spit at that. Who knew TJ could be a tease? Choosing to take a cleansing breath, he attempted to keep his facial expression even. “Always,” he nodded in answer to her. “Actually, I was hoping you could explain what you meant by your sister's ‘moral fluidity’ and how it seems to affect you.”

Her head snapped around to face him, expecting to see a smirk and pleasantly surprised to see genuine interest and curiosity. Sighing and admitting that she had been the one to bring it up, she nodded. “Alright. But so help me, if I hear you told anyone-”

He reached to take her hand and squeezed it lightly. “Your secret's safe with me. I'll even tell you some embarrassing family secrets of mine so we're even.” His cerulean blue eyes were gleaming with genuine interest and even a touch of vulnerability. She knew, somehow, he could be trusted with this. 

Settling back against the cushions, she took a deep breath and began telling him the story of her sister, continuing until she fell asleep with his feet still perched on the pillow in her lap. He smiled, then turned on the viewscreen to watch Spaceflix movies with the captions on and fought to stay awake.

The next day, after finding a way to move the Commander back to his quarters without being seen (luckily the cameras were still diverted elsewhere), and settling him in for a needed nap and a muscle relaxer for the lingering back pain, each thanked the other, TJ promising to check on him again later in the day. Neither spoke of the childhood secrets each now knew of the other, only thanked one another for the company, and then were left alone with their thoughts.

****SC****

It wasn't until they wound up aboard the Christa that they once more found themselves alone in each other’s quarters, but being the only two adults aboard, it meant they literally only had each other to talk to. Lesson planning, scheduling, discussions over coffee, all had become a part of their daily routine, along with the realization that, as two single adults, they had become en loco parentis for five wayward students. Harlan had even mentioned it was akin to seven years of detention. If that was the case, then how had it become they were who assigned to their punishment? TJ sighed loudly, turning from where she had just finished preparing cups of coffee and tea, and made her way to Seth's quarters where she had agreed to meet with him. 

Upon greeting him at the door to his living space- to which she noted he seemed to be organizing his newly assigned personal space to his liking based on the piles of clothes and furniture in mid-transit- Seth accepted the beverage she offered and invited her in. “Working on your feng shui?” she asked with a wry smile.

“Not used to this much space,” he shrugged. “Starships don't usually allow this much room, even for a captain. The Starcademy wasn't much better. Still not sure what to do with this much square footage.”

TJ understood his point of view. It was something she had been grappling with as well. “Perhaps as time wears on, we can make our spaces feel more like home. I found some old books in a cargo hold that perhaps you might enjoy. Bova already seems to be digging into xenobiology but there is plenty more-”

“Are we in over our heads?” he asked suddenly.

“Commander?”

“We've been on this ship for two weeks. Already we've been flung across the galaxy, nearly been blown up by what seems to a friendly alien race and with which knowledge in diplomacy could have easily avoided, celebrated a Saturnian holiday, faced a sick Andromedan student… what else are we going to face? And what happens if we aren't able to keep these kids safe?”

“I was trying not to think of that, but the thought has crossed my mind,” she admitted.

“I've been thinking about it a lot,” he confessed. “Haven't slept much.”

“Same here.”

Seth locked eyes with her as he realized he wasn't alone with his thoughts. “So how do we do this?”

“Take it one day at a time I suppose,” she said softly. “We are all in most capable hands with you. That much has been made clear. I'm rubbish to everyone. Honestly, I've spent more time on the floor or hysterical than being of any use.”

He stepped forward and took hold of her hand, squeezing gently, then letting go. “I'll make a good XO of you. With your knowledge and attention to detail? One day it will all come together and you'll be unstoppable.”

TJ blushed furiously. “That remains to be seen. My theoretical knowledge is extensive, I'll grant you. The practical is shaky. Combined with a high functioning anxiety disorder and I question how I can even manage. More likely I'll be the cause of one or more of us getting killed.” She began nervously wringing her hands as she fought back tears. “I'm rubbish.”

He stepped into her space and put his hands on her upper arms, rubbing lightly. “Hey,” he said softly. “We're gonna be okay. I need you to believe that with me. If we have any chance of getting home, in seven years or seven months if things go well, then we need to first believe we can do this. Without that, then there's no hope for any of us.”

TJ saw in his eyes the trust he was placing in her as his crystal blue eyes scanned her nervous hazel ones. She found she could only nod an affirmation, desperately wanting to believe as he did that all would eventually be all right. “I- I can... do that,” she stuttered nervously, softly. Taking a deep breath, she reached into herself to find some strength, any strength, to reassure him. Looking around the room, she discovered the one thing to which she could focus and relax her mind. Something she *knew* she would be good at. “There is one thing I'd like to do first,” she told him.

“What's that?”

TJ gestured to the half-organized mess. “If you are going to have me over with any regularity on this voyage, then you can at the very least keep a tidy space,” she said cheekily. 

The Commander gawked at her. “You gonna give me a demerit for this?” he shot back playfully. 

“Possible. Or I'll just not bring you coffee until the space is more orderly,” she teased. They were bantering, perhaps even bordering on flirting. It was rather enjoyable, far preferable to the screaming arguments that used to define them. 

“You wouldn't dare,” he said in mock horror. 

She spun from his arms and picked up a uniform shirt from the back of a chair, tossing it towards his chest and watching him catch it with ease, then sniff it. “Wash it,” she warned as she crinkled her nose in disgust. 

He grinned widely, tossing it towards the laundry chute before joining her to straighten the rest of the mess. 

An hour later, exhausted but done with the chore, Seth invited her to stay longer and her heart pounded as she agreed. Joining him on the newly placed couch, they searched the SpaceNet for something each of them could agree on to watch and relaxed. Neither realized when the other fell asleep, but each rested their head against the other, TJ’s body falling against his in slumber, causing her to end up sleeping at an odd angle while snuggled into his chest. It was hours before either woke up, dazed, sore, confused about where they were until they saw the screen still on from their movie. 

“We fell asleep,” the Commander yawned, helping TJ sit upright. 

“I see that.”

“You should probably get back to your quarters,” he told her as she worked to take off her shoes. 

“Not moving,” she said sleepily, leaning to the other side of the couch and closing her eyes once more. 

“That's the opposite of going back to your quarters.”

“Quite astute of you.”

He let out a short, mirthless laugh. “Noted.”

“It's comfortable here. Finally seem to be getting some rest,” she said with a yawn. A moment later, a light snore came from the end of the couch. TJ was already fast asleep. Not for the first time, Seth contemplated what to do, quickly deciding once more to allow her the more comfortable bed, even though she had already chosen the couch. Going into the bedroom, he carefully pulled back the covers, then returned to the living area, delicately lifting TJ from the couch and carrying her back to his bed. Desperately trying to ignore how her body seemed to naturally fit against his, he carefully placed her down on the mattress, pulled the blankets over her dozing form, smiled at how peaceful she seemed, then returned to the couch. 

He spent the evening contemplating if having a woman in his quarters, even for purely platonic reasons, constituted a sort of moral fluidity. TJ's words came flooding back to him. If people knew I had spent the evening- however innocent it was- with you, Father's old student, tongues would surely be wagging. Shaking his head, he couldn't help but wonder how the thoughts of what Command must be saying about their disappearance. That particular line of thinking kept him awake for the rest of the night.

****SCSC****

“Commander?” TJ asked tentatively, stepping further into the galley as Harlan and Radu left. “I am concerned about Catalina.” She began gathering the dishes from the rainbow-hued table to occupy her hands, rather than wring them nervously as she wanted.

The Commander didn't look up from his Compupad as he flatly asked, “What now?” Likely, he was continuing to work out an algorithm to improve engine function to return home faster than the planned 6 years, 5 months Thelma has just quoted. TJ admits she could have reacted better but… Face it TJ. Any reaction would have been better than what you said. Shoot me now and get it over with. Probably actually wants to now. The voice in her head was mocking her at this point. 

Shaking her head, trying to quiet the negative noise her mind was creating, she pressed on with her current line of inquiry, not wanting to bring up the question of how long it would take to get home again. “Pardon,” she said, reaching over to remove a glass from in front of him. “She and Suzee got into an argument about who gets to name the comet.” The comet the girl had discovered. The one all of them wanted to study closer. An excellent opportunity. There you go, TJ. Positive thoughts.

“So. Catalina is always arguing with herself,” he answered distractedly.

TJ wasn't going to be ignored. She pressed further. “Well, it was a very heated argument,” she argued gently, concern evident in her voice.

“So?” Still, he wouldn't face her.

“So Suzee left.”

That got his attention. His face registered utter confusion, looking up from his Compupad. “Left?” He finally faced her, trying to learn more.

“Went… away,” TJ explained, giving a small wave with the hand not holding the tray. “And now I am concerned about Catalina.”

“Catalina has finally stopped talking to her imaginary friend and you're upset?” Seth asked incredulously, voice barely holding to a shred of self-control. 

Straightening slightly, TJ held her ground. “That's right.”

They held each other's gaze for a brief moment before Seth gave up. “Good night, Miss Davenport,” he said dismissively, getting up to leave.

The snide look she shot, along with the tray of dishes she pushed into his abdomen stopped him in his tracks. Voice taking on a saccharine, but dangerous tone, TJ let him clearly know she would not be ignored. Looking him squarely in the depths of his baby blue eyes, she sweetly said, “Everyone has to do their fair share, Commander Goddard.” Using his earlier words to Harlan and Radu against him seemed to do the trick. Smiling tightly back, he took the tray as she put her hands out, spinning slightly to her left and walked away, pausing briefly to bid goodnight to Thelma before departing. That'll show him to cast me aside, she thought triumphantly as she realized he wasn't going to argue back. 

Seth silently admitted he deserved that while outwardly making a face. He asked Thelma to give him a hand- then got exactly that, her mechanical hand splashing soap suds onto his uniform sleeve as he made a face. He hoped TJ’s concerns were minor but something in his gut told him otherwise. Damnit, if TJ is right about this, he thought as he finished the dishes, then decided to sleep it off, giving him time to consider how to handle what the teacher had brought to his attention.

The next morning, TJ joined him at the helm, as was her usual position, while the Christa took a fly-by past the comet they had been studying. She wasn't standing as close as she generally did, indicating the woman hadn't totally forgiven him, arms crossed at her chest and a smug expression on her features as she suggested testing the students’ knowledge of what they had learned in class. Things broke down quickly. After missing two questions, Catalina completely melted down and left the Command Post, causing the Commander to ask Harlan to chase her down, leaving him with TJ, acting like an insufferable know-it-all (probably still smug from shutting me down last night, he thought), going as far as to correct him in front of the students and leaving him seething. 

It didn't last long. More pressing things happened- namely needing to break from a xenowarp, and apply his practical experience and hands-on engineering knowledge to get everyone to safety before they all literally melted along with the ship. He and TJ could work through their differences later.

Several hours later, once the danger had passed and Suzee seemed to have returned, (and he cursed himself because TJ had been right about Catalina's mindset changing once “Suzee” rejoined them and damn him, he had ignored her again), he sought the woman out. Checking the Medlab, the galley, and the team room, he finally found Davenport in her quarters, feet up on the couch, a bottle of aspirin on her side table. “Hey,” he greeted carefully, wanting to tread lightly.

“Hullo, Commander,” she answered back distantly. He noted her staring off into nothing, thoughts elsewhere.

“I'm sorry,” he offered. 

TJ's head snapped to face him, not understanding where his seeming guilt was coming from. “Whatever for?” 

Shrugging, he offered, “Ignoring you. Blowing your concerns off. Not listening to what you brought up regarding Catalina.”

“If anyone should be sorry, it should be me,” she whispered. “Put me in a classroom, I am confident. Put me in a life or death scenario, I'm useless. How often am I going to end up a joke because I keep fainting?”

Shaking his head, he said, “You're not useless.”

“You don't need to lie in order to help me feel better-”

“It's not a lie,” he argued, voice raising. Sighing, he took a gulping breath and tried again. “You tried to warn me of an issue. I ignored it. You did exactly as a good XO should and I cast you aside. I'm sorry.”

“And in a crisis situation, your XO couldn't even keep herself upright and conscious. I don't even deserve the title of being your first officer yet you are stuck with me-”

“I am not stuck-”

“Then how would you define this bizarre partnership of ours? You said yourself that you had been counting down the time until you could be back out in space. With a crew. Three weeks shy? Right? Away from the Starcademy, away from the students you were forced into teaching, away from me…” She took gasping breaths, trying to will herself to not get hysterical. “Instead you are stuck with your class and me, flung across space, stranded far from home with little hope of outside assistance and no one else to rely on. A man of your decoration and rank and experience is more deserving than-” Tears welled in her eyes and she looked away, unable to face him.

He suddenly felt sick. “How long have you felt this way?” he asked cautiously, dreading the answer.

Sad hazel eyes met his worried blue ones, a lone tear escaping to track down her cheek. Her hand reached up to swipe it away, but he had already seen it. “Bloody hell,” she muttered angrily to herself. 

“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked quietly.

“I have,” she protested. “We've had an entire talk about my anxiety, my feelings of inadequacy on this journey. And you said-”

“That we're gonna be okay. I asked you to believe that with me. If we have any chance of getting home, in seven years or seven months if things go well, then we need to first believe we can do this. Without that, then there's no hope for any of us,” he whispered. Hanging his head, filled with shame, he added, “I'm an asshole.”

“Not an arse,” she told him. “You act like one sometimes, but it doesn't mean it's a permanent state of being.”

“Thanks,” he said sarcastically. “I'll remember that.”

“Let me see if I can explain this better,” she backtracked quickly, noting the frustration in his voice. “If you were an arse, you wouldn't be here right now, trying to make things better between us. Even I haven't worked up to that point. Based on that evidence, I must be the bigger arse, don't you think?” 

“What? No!” he said quickly. “That's ridiculous-”

“Is it? Because I never know where we stand,” she whispered. “Some nights we talk for hours and it feels like we are actually making progress…”

“Then last night we went right back to square one,” he finished. 

“I can admit my part in it,” TJ conceded. “I behaved as an insufferable wench toward you the past two days. I was hardly supportive in your efforts to work with the engines-”

“I ignored a legitimate issue with Catalina. Whether we believe in Suzee’s existence or not, Cat was not okay. You were right to worry about her and I blew you off-”

“I probably deserved it, considering the way I fought back against you. A first officer-”

“Has every right to question their commanding officer-”

“But not disobey a direct order, I've read the protocols,” TJ shot back.

“I never gave you any orders,” Seth pointed out. “Although I admit it's been rare that someone actually challenges me on anything.”

TJ sat up and fixed her gaze on him. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Believe what you want,” he shrugged. “But for the record, I don't mind you keeping me on my toes. Lord knows, I did it enough to my commanding officers when I was an ensign and a lieutenant. Nice to be on the receiving end for once.” He dropped down next to her and nudged her shoulder with his, a lopsided smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

“You mean like the time you questioned Captain Raynor regarding the reasonableness of-”

“His decision to try to take on three Spung ships with no backup, yeah,” he admitted sheepishly. “They weren't killcruisers, but still… wait, how did you know…”

TJ's face flushed a deep shade of red. “Father was quite proud of the way you took charge after the Captain was killed in that attack,” she whispered. 

“Someone had to advise Raynor against it,” he told her. “No one else on board argued with him but I know others who didn't agree with his insane plan. I knew people would have been killed so I spoke up, tried to make him see reason. And once he proceeded anyway, people were killed, including himself. I couldn't sit back and let other good people die. So, I did what needed to be done before everyone else was blown to space dust. I just wish he had listened before-”

“STARDOG Command noted your actions as well. I seem to remember reading about your meritorious promotion to Lieutenant Commander as a result of-”

“This was also part of your required reading?” He asked as a way to deflect from her continued track of reflecting on one of his accomplishments, unfortunately, borne from dire circumstances. That particular promotion had been more bittersweet than a proud moment. Despite his attempt to change the subject, her response was still to flush an even deeper red. “Not sure whether to feel humbled or if I should let my ego inflate a bit,” he quipped, rolling with her reaction than dwelling on his own thoughts.

“Perhaps a bit of both,” she offered. “Too much ego and expect I will knock you back a bit.”

“Good. I need that.” 

Both were quiet after that, lost in thought. It wasn't until he reached out to take her hand and intertwined their fingers that she refocused on him. “We're a team,” he started.

“I suppose,” she agreed cautiously.

“As a team, sometimes we'll agree, sometimes we won't. But I want you to always do something for me, no matter what,” he requested.

“Depends on what it is, Commander.”

“Never stop challenging me. You have become my voice of reason and make me see the other side of difficult situations. Things I don't always see. Being the person that makes me see reason whenever my stupid impulsive side threatens to take over. Keep doing that,” he told her.

“I wouldn't stop, even if I wanted to,” she told him.

“Even when I'm being difficult, or I say something incredibly stupid, or we end up in a fight-”

“Especially then,” TJ assured him.

“Good.”

He was running his thumb over the back of her hand, a motion she found mesmerizing and calming. “Commander,” she whispered.

“Seth.”

“Pardon?”

He stared at a blank spot on the wall, “TJ, I understand referring to me by rank on duty or in front of the kids. That I get. But when it's just us… like… this,” he squeezed her hand, “just call me Seth.” 

“Is that a request or an order?”

His head snapped around to face her, eyes feigning innocence, a smile threatening to tug at the corners of her mouth. His stomach flipped over at that. Was she flirting with him? No, he quickly decided. She couldn't be. Keep it light. Friendly. “A request,” he said with a smile. “One I hope you'll consider. Because I'd hate to have to make that an order.”

Seth was hoping that might wind her up a bit and was pleased to see that hit it the mark. Lightly swatting his shoulder, she chided, “You're incorrigible, Seth.”

“Good. TJ,” he said playfully, nudging her again. “I look forward to being even more incorrigible then.”

TJ turned contemplative then, turning her head slightly to the side as she bit the inside of her lip. “I…” she paused, deciding how she wanted to proceed.

“Teej?” he asked.

“I think I've been overcompensating,” she confessed. “As a way to bury my anxieties. To feel more confident and able than I am out here. I'm not trying to be insufferable. I just want to feel like I can contribute something meaningful to this journey and I've clearly been doing a poor job. I apologize for that.”

“You're doing alright,” he said softly. “Considering all the challenges you have told me you face…”

“I'm a disaster,” she lamented.

“You're extraordinary,” he countered. “The way you wake up every day and face any issues that arise, in spite of your anxiety makes you one of the strongest people I've ever met.”

TJ's eyes widened as her cheeks flushed again. “I, um…”

“Just be who are Teej, not who you think I want you to be. The rest will come.”

"What if I'm not entirely sure who I am?" she asked, voice sad and shy at once.

"Then we get to find out together," he offered quietly, echoing Bova's earlier sentiment, albeit far less sarcastically. 

TJ wordlessly dropped her head to his shoulder, nuzzling it slightly as she squeezed their still entwined fingers. Seth settled his head atop hers, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb as his mind focused on the woman beside him. They remained that way for a long time until both fell asleep against one another.

****SCSC****

Seth was feeling conflicted that evening. The days’ events had been perplexing, peculiar, and unexpected, beginning with the ionic storm the ship had encountered, continuing with Harlan and Cat arguing over a message that wasn't fully received, then upon viewing it, finding it had been sent by older versions of the students themselves. That would have been enough, but then they discovered the message was born from their having slipped into an alternate dimension during the ionic storm, one where only Spung existed. Seth had fully morphed into one of the creatures, as had TJ, and reports from the students indicated they had begun to feel the effects as well. Thankfully, while he and the teacher had been trapped together in the jump tubes (in an effort to contain their Spung selves), the students had formulated a plan to free the ship from their dimensional detour and return to normal. 

Oh, but what a trip the experience had been. TJ had come to him later in the morning, itching uncontrollably, complaining that the students had to have been behind it (they put itching powder in her uniform one time and that led to being on edge forever). He had been busy trying to figure out the missing bits of the communique and hadn‘t the time for her paranoid accusations, so he sassed her a bit, first suggesting she scratch the itch, then telling her to get a dictionary and “look up the word paranoid and see if your picture is next to it.” 

Obviously hitting a nerve, she huffed, announcing, “You are not funny!”, and stormed from the room, leaving him alone as he chuckled to himself.

“I hear that a lot,” he called behind her, laughing aloud, proud he had wound her up, for some reason, enjoying himself as he did so. His glee didn't last long. Almost immediately after TJ's departure, his own itching began, worrying him that TJ's warning may not have been so far off the mark.

It continued for nearly 20 minutes until he scratched off a piece of skin at his wrist, exposing green scales beneath and causing him to jump backward.

“Thelma!” he called worriedly.

“Yes, Commander,” she said placidly from over his right shoulder.

“What is going on?” he asked, pointing to his wrist. 

Thelma cocked her head to the side and took his wrist in her mechanical hand. “Spectral and bioscopic analysis will take a few moments. Please wait.”

His foot tapped nervously as he awaited Thelma's report. It wasn't good. A Spung. He was turning into a Spung? Seth scoffed as he stated as much aloud, but Thelma looked steady and serious. “I have to find TJ,” he decided quickly. 

“Miss Davenport is in the galley,” Thelma offered.

With a nod, he quickly exited via the jumptubes, ending up in the corridor near where the teacher was and briskly moving towards the mess hall, needing to get to her, to warn her-

Her voice could be heard from inside as he reached the doorway. “The Commander! We must tell the Commander!”

At that point his body jolted, nearly causing him to collapse as he braced himself against the door frame. His entire brain shifted, something suddenly changing within him. The door opened and he slowly turned, seeing TJ grab hold of Thelma to hide behind her, a look of terror and- disgust? - cross her features. He didn’t much care about her reaction. An unbidden surge of need flowed in his veins and in that exact moment, he found he wanted the woman in front of him in ways he had not ever seriously entertained aloud. 

“He already knows,” Thelma answered.

His only response was a frightening, guttural laugh, almost evil in nature. He found that in that form he liked the sound, completely unlike anything he had ever portrayed before. A small deep-seated portion of his brain, the tiny part that hadn't transformed and clinging to his humanity, was screaming, but the newer primal instincts were quickly taking over. It was uncontrollable. He paced around the room, vaguely remembering what he was saying as TJ looked at him in horror, trying to keep her panic in check. The change came as he offered her worms he had been able to pull from the food wheel- his face recoiled at the memory- and the fear was replaced by a sensuality that took him by surprise. 

At that moment, his Spung form was immediately attracted to the transformed version of her now in his presence and a more carnal, animalistic side took over. It bothered him now that he couldn't control his emotions, but in that exact moment, he could feel his entire body exuding an erotic, wanton passion for her with an intensity that startled the human part of him. Now, he wondered where that basal instinct had come from. Why did it feel as though he couldn't get close enough? Why had he wanted to? 

Much of what had occurred after was a blur. He tried making sense of the day but all he had were fuzzy memories. Walking in sync with her down the hall. Being trapped in the jumptubes. Them nearly on top of each other. Her hissing at him as he got too close. Trying to climb free. Feelings of lust, desire, seduction… simultaneously wanting control and not being in control. He shook his head. The clearest images he had were from after the ordeal, as he emerged from the jumptubes, desperately looking for TJ until she emerged, disoriented and confused. His arms grabbed onto her, steadying the woman at the elbow and waist, as the students filled them in on how they had returned to their own dimension and back to their own normal. It was a hell of a tale, punctuated by TJ pulling a worm from her mouth and upon seeing it, fainting, her body dead weight as he caught her. 

After waking her up, and warning the students to stop laughing at her expense, Seth escorted TJ back to her quarters to get some rest. An awkward silence filled the air, both walking on opposite sides of the hall, each unsure what to say or how to behave in front of the other after their day. Something outlandish and freakish had happened to them, but neither knew what would be the "right" thing to say to assuage whatever worries each had. So, he left her with barely more than a mumbled, “let me know if you need anything,” and departed before TJ could offer a reply.

That had been three hours ago. Seth returned to his quarters soon after dropping off TJ and spent the time on his couch in silent reflection, running the day's calamitous incident over in his mind, growing more disturbed with each replay.

A chime at his door snapped him from his reverie. “Come in,” he called.

TJ entered, tentatively, nervousness radiating from her in waves, as she held two mugs in front of her. Offering him one- “Decaffeinated chamomile tea,” she explained- she tentatively set herself down on the corner of the couch furthest from him and gingerly sipped from her own cup. 

Seth had noticed one of her hands was bandaged but he wasn't able to get a look before she pulled her hand away from him after he'd accepted his tea. Her eyes were cast downward, refusing to look at him. It hit him then just how deeply the day had affected her as well. He felt ashamed then, knowing he had contributed in some way to that. “I'm sorry,” he said sincerely. He meant it. 

“Why?”

“Why I'm sorry? Not sure. It just felt like the right thing to say. I always feel like I should apologize after I do something wrong,” he said flatly.

“What do you think you did wrong?” she asked gently. A small note of surprise was in her voice as well. That caught him off guard.

“I…” Seth didn't know how to proceed. 

“Commander?”

“Seth. My name is Seth! Damnit, TJ! I can't even get you to feel comfortable around me on a normal day and then I let myself go out of control-”

“Dear heavens, Seth, did you really believe you could control-”

“I should have!” he exploded. I'm a damned STARDOG! I've sworn to protect and defend my crew, my people, innocents… and I couldn't even protect myself today! And the way I treated you…” he trailed off, trying to find the right words before landing on, “I crossed a line. One that I'm sure is unforgivable, that I'm sorry can't fix, and it hurts.”

TJ scooted a few centimeters closer, testing his comfort level. “Nothing is broken,” she said soothingly. 

“How do you figure?” 

“I came to you,” she pointed out softly. 

“Even after I violated-”

Her eyebrows shot upward, nearly into her scalp. Not the turn of phrase she expected from him. “I don't believe those are the words I would use-” 

“I let some sort of... primal instinct overtake me and I don't even know where it came from,” he confessed mournfully. “The look on your face when I turned to enter the galley- I'd been trying to find you, to warn you so we could make a plan, to help the students- you were horrified by me, by what I was becoming. I could hear myself bragging in a voice that didn't even seem like mine and a small part of my brain was… mortified. I hated seeing you look at me that way. After all we've been through so far, and it would end with you terrified…I've been trying so hard for us to be better… and I've ruined it...”

“And then I changed as well,” she whispered.

He nodded. 

“I was encouraging you. We both seemed to have had significantly lowered inhibitions. And heavens, the…” She shuddered as she remembered the worms. She hated worms. But then she remembered the satisfaction on his face at being allowed to feed her. The fire and desire emanating from the way he looked at her. His arm around her shoulders. Their movement in the corridor to find the students, motions in sync, on a mission… TJ couldn't recall a time in her life when any man had looked at her that way, being so completely in tune... she had wanted every part of him. 

And then they had been trapped in the jumptubes. Had she been human, TJ surely would have had a panic attack. Claustrophobia would have certainly gripped her, yet with Seth there… it only inspired a more competitive, one-upmanship, wanting to best him, resorting to insults side of her. It felt like stepping backward with him. And still, there was a sexual energy sizzling between them. The hissing. Being pinned under him. Wanting to dominate the man. TJ wasn't sure where any of it came from. That feeling of lust was so completely foreign to her, the polar opposite of the way she had always chosen to live her life. “Nothing about this ordeal has a simple explanation.”

“That's one way to put it.” 

“But I don't want you to blame yourself for your actions either,” she told him. “In all fairness, I wasn't able to control my behavior either. It was frightening for me, since, as I'm sure you've figured out, I am the sort of personality who likes things just so-”

“That's putting it mildly-”

She glared at him as she continued, “Yet, here I was unable to control myself. And for the record, you did not ‘violate’ me. Even in that state, I would only allow what I chose, not what someone else pushed onto me.”

Seth gawked at her. “I was well into your personal space. It felt like a violation of your trust, of what we've been trying to build...”

“Being in my personal space and acting on impulses are completely separate incidences,” she argued. “Considering all things, you listened to everything I told you. I accepted your offer for… food.” The image of the worms caused her nose to crinkle in disgust. Seth found it adorable but said nothing. That, he recognized, would be a terrible judgment call to reveal just then. “When I demanded your elbow be taken out of my face, you did.”

“I hissed at you,” he noted.

“I hissed back. You also seemed quite careful where your… hands… ended up…” TJ's face flushed a crimson color.

“Oh.” Thinking back on it, Seth was able to remember trying to keep himself from unintentionally touching a part of her she wouldn't appreciate. Had a part of his mind still been able to control his urges? Or somehow registered what would and would not have been acceptable? Did he subconsciously try to be a gentleman? He slid a few centimeters closer to her, as TJ had done a few minutes before. “So… how would describe the weird… energy... between us then?” he ventured carefully. 

She finally looked up, catching his gaze. “I don't know,” she said softly. A troubled look passed through her eyes. “That was… something else entirely. Perhaps something about Spung biology we don't know about. I could research-”

“No,” he told her. “Please. Just… don't. There is one thing interesting though.”

“What is that?”

“Everything I know about the Spung states that they don't let their females fight or have anything to do with policymaking or decisions,” he revealed, remembering TJ wasn't present when he told the same to Radu weeks ago. 

“Something you learned during the war?” she asked.

Nodding, Seth continued. “I never felt that with you as a Spung. Somehow, I still knew you were a woman who deserved respect. To be treated equally. Which is the same way I've always thought of you.”

“You-”

“Should probably tell you that more. I know I can be an ass to you, including this morning, when I obviously ignored your concerns again-”

“As we've learned it wasn't the children this time, so I will concede you were correct in believing me paranoid-” TJ admitted.

“But you are someone who considers all possibilities and means well. There's a lot I can learn from you.”

“Sure…” she sounded skeptical, rubbing uncomfortably at her bandage.

“TJ, what happened to your hand?”

She visibly tensed. “I don't-”

“TJ,” he pressed.

“There are many things you do not want to learn from me,” she said sharply. “And I suspect that if you did, you might not feel that same level of respect.”

“Teej? What are you talking about?” he asked worriedly.

“I had a panic attack! Shortly after you brought me back to my quarters,” she burst out.

Eyes widening, he had his own moment of panic. Moving closer to her, he gently took her hand and turned it over in his, rubbing gently at the bandage. “TJ, what happened to your hand?” he repeated in a whisper.

“My stomach was bothering me. I barely made it into the bathroom when I vomited. And there were… worms… everything just flashed back at me.” She sniffled, but he also sensed a resolve in her as the woman continued. “The itching started all over again. I know it was in my head-”

“Didn't make it any less real-”

“But I couldn't shake the dread. I ripped off my uniform, and my head- it had to be playing tricks on me because suddenly I was covered in those green scales again and I couldn't be…” she hiccupped, forcing herself to continue. “I jumped in the shower then and started scrubbing. Scrubbing until I was sure my skin was mine again. Scratching and clawing down to my own humanity, willing myself back to normal. I had no clue how desperate I was until I saw the blood spiraling down the drain. Apparently, I ripped my skin off in my anxiety and it took physically bleeding to snap me out of it…”

“Teej…” 

“My hand was the worst. But there are scratches on my legs and arms, my stomach… it's never been this bad before…” 

Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms, rubbing circles over her back as she cried into his shoulder. He was numb. TJ had told him on several occasions she suffered from anxiety but seeing the damage from an actual panic attack was something else entirely. “I'm glad you told me,” he whispered as he held her. “I don't want you to ever feel like you need to handle these feelings alone. We're a team. I meant what I said earlier. You need to let me know if you need anything.”

Pulling away slightly to wipe her eyes, TJ shook her head. “I'm a mess.”

His eyes remained on her hand, taking it in his and carefully running his thumb along the bandage. “Me too. But I want us to be able to get through this. Together.”

She nodded. “This situation or this entire journey?” she asked.

“Both.” He smiled. 

“Good. Then I need to clarify something.”

Suddenly he felt a need to hold his breath. “What is it?”

“You said before you don't believe I am comfortable around you. Regardless of any arguments we might have or difficult circumstances we will likely face moving forward, the one constant I seem to rely on is your presence. That alone is a comfort to me. For that, I can do a better job conveying as much,” she told him sincerely. 

“Really?” he asked hopefully. 

“Would I keep coming to you if I didn't?”

"I guess not. At the very least I'm glad you did tonight," he admitted, staring down at the bandage, the spot where her anxieties brought on self-harm that left him shaken.

"My anxiety typically won't let me sleep until whatever problems I face are worked out," she admitted. "Whether good, bad, or… awkward."

"How do you feel now?" he asked carefully.

"Better. You?"

"Same."

"Thank you, Seth," TJ whispered. "For… believing the best of me. Even if sometimes I don't-"

"You always deserve it," he cut in quickly, finishing the sentence for her. "I'm an idiot sometimes-"

"A space idiot," she amended teasingly.

He paused at her tone. "Space idiot?"

She blushed. "You are always talking about how 'space' hates things," she said shyly. "Thought I'd try putting a spin on it. Considering I've long since figured out who 'space' is."

His eyebrows nearly disappeared into his scalp. A small smirk appeared on his face as he asked, "And who might that be?"

Her own wry smile was the answer he received, the tiny pout causing a pounding ache in his chest, catching him off guard. Where the hell did that come from?, he thought. Raking his hands through his hair, he laughed nervously. "Um, right. Okay."

TJ reached over to pick up his tea, handing it back to him. "Chamomile," she reminded him gently.

"Calming," he whispered. "I meant what I said. "You deserve the best. I want… need… despite my being a 'space idiot,' I truly believe that is what you should be given. I just wish…" he hung his head shamefully over the cup of tea. 

TJ framed his face with her hands, locking eyes with him. Her heart pounded in her chest, the intimacy of their position not lost on her as electricity surged from the point she touched him and shot through her body. She watched him gulp, his breathing becoming as shallow as hers was, but pressed onward. "You are enough. Never doubt that."

"How did you-?"

"We're a team, remember?" she reminded him, her own voice a breathy murmur that he strained to hear. "Maybe an unintended side effect of our experience is that we are better able to-"

"Read each other?" he finished in his own hushed tone. He put the tea between his knees so he could put his hands over hers, delicate so as not to bring her hand additional pain. The current flowing was between them was unlike anything he had experienced in his life. 

She nodded silently. "Perhaps one evening we can try to figure that out," she suggested. "For now, a part of me thinks I should be getting some rest."

Letting go of her hands, saddened by the loss of her warmth, he nodded solemnly. "Yeah, of course. I should too."

"Another part of me though doesn't trust myself on my own just yet," TJ added, staring at her now cold hands, missing the contact. "What if-” The unspoken words hung in the air around them?

"Do you trust me?" he asked her, hoping that after their ordeal she would still feel able to do so. 

Her warm hazel eyes held a rarely shown vulnerability, but a level of confidence and faith he hadn't actively noticed before. "Yes," she declared firmly. "My best night's sleep in recent memory are when I'm beside you. Do you trust me?" 

"Completely."

"Good. I'll be a lady." Taking his hand, she stood and pulled him up with her as they crossed the room.

"What?!" he yelped.

"You always say that you are a gentleman. It's worth stating I'm a lady," TJ reasoned.

"Not generally the context I would use for those turns of phrase." He was handling this cautiously.

TJ rolled her eyes as she took off her boots. "Honestly. What other context would you have used it?"

"I… don't know," he replied.

"Well, then I suppose you can consider that while getting some rest. Come," she told him, patting the spot beside where she had just sat on the edge of his bed. "The first step to returning to normalcy is doing what we would normally."

"When did routinely sleeping beside a friend become normal?" He asked carefully.

"It seems to be our normal."

"What even is normal anymore?" He countered.

Silently she scooted to the far side of the bed, laying down and staring at the ceiling. "I like that we can do this," she admitted quietly. "I much prefer this to the fighting we are oft prone to."

"We're not fighting as much as we used to."

She considered that for a moment before speaking again. He had a fair point. Their dynamic had been better recently. "No. We're not," she agreed. "I'd like to continue that. Not fighting, I mean."

Kicking off his boots, he sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her prone form, quietly contemplating the things she was not saying aloud, analyzing the meaning behind her actions instead. TJ was not only professing her trust in him, even after their unexpected loss of their own selves during their short transformation, but she was also demonstrating through her actions exactly what she meant. "Same," he managed to answer. 

Patting the empty spot beside her, she invited him to lay down, which he did, albeit, with some distance between them. He refused to allow himself to get too close, still not completely trusting himself. It was she who reached out to grasp his hand, squeezing lightly. "Teej?"

Wiggling her body alongside his whilst not letting go of his hand, she aligned her body alongside his, shoulder to hip, nestling her head into his shoulder. "I told you I trust you," she said sleepily. "And I won't sleep as well with you so far away."

His body tensed. "What-"

"Shhh," she whispered, a small yawn escaping her mouth. "Relax, Seth. This is as close as I'm going to get."

He tensed further. "I'm not sure-"

"Such a gentleman. Father would be pleased."

"That's funny because I'm thinking your Father would kill me if he had any idea where we were-"

She glanced over at him, cocking her head to the side as she considered his words. "Father might not be as upset as you believe," she decided. "I imagine he would be more pleased to see you returning to the man you are and doing your best to guide us all home safely." 

Carefully looking over at her, unsure what to expect to see, he was pleasantly surprised to note a soft smile gracing her features as she resumed staring at the ceiling. Her eyes closed after a moment, giving way to light snoring and the grip on his hand loosening slightly. "Thanks, Teej," he whispered to the sleeping woman. Settling back against his pillow, he stared blankly above for a while before joining her in a heavy slumber.

****SCSC****

Months later he nearly lost TJ. For whatever reason, the Christa's computer system had assimilated her, leaving the woman scared, her anxiety on full alert, and Seth unsure what to do. This was a situation for which his STARDOG training certainly did not prepare him for. Once they freed her, Seth really just wanted to hold the woman tight for a minute to assure himself she was there but he had a job to do. He settled with guiding TJ from the room holding her hand and wrapping his other arm around her waist. It wasn't until after they rescued Thelma that he allowed his body to settle, adrenaline crashing, as he insisted on taking the teacher back to her quarters.

“You should rest Commander,” TJ whispered as he returned the woman to her quarters. 

“I- We- almost lost you,” he blurted out.

“Commander?”

“I’m Seth,” he insisted hotly. “And we're a team. You. Me. Us. And some… freak accident! nearly took you away. And I realized I can't do any of this without you. So even though I made lame jokes about muting you and didn't have a well-thought out plan-”

“Do you ever?” she quipped, trying to lighten the mood and failing.

He ignored her. “- I was scared to death. I've lost too many crew members in my life Tee. Losing you…” The rest of the sentence remained unsaid as she led him inside, both sitting on the edge of her bed as he allowed tears to slide down his cheeks. He was completely vulnerable in a way she had never seen from him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezing tight as sobs racked his body, heart panging at the realization his tears were for her. It was another evolution in their friendship, one that seemed to continually be shifting in a direction TJ was unsure what to make of yet. 

Watching the man bawl on her shoulder unnerved her but she still tried to reassure him. “You all saved me. And together we saved Thelma. In spite of what happened today, I am rather proud of what our students were able to do. And grateful for the rescue.”

Seth responded by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against his chest, needing the solid feeling of her body against his, to be consciously aware of the beating heart in her chest, the softness of her skin, the way her body curved to fit with his. “Please don't ever scare me like that again,” he begged shakily, voice barely above a whisper, only audible because he spoke directly into her ear. It sent excited tingles down her spine.

“I have no intention of being trapped inside the Christa again,” she said lightly. 

He pulled back, looking into her eyes and reaching up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. She could barely breathe, understanding that this moment was significant, special. His warm, cerulean eyes looked conflicted, as though he was warring with himself about something. “Good,” he managed to choke out, trying to smile despite the heavy emotion. “Can I ask you to do something for me?”

She nodded. 

“Please don't tell the kids about… don't tell them I…”

“I won't tell them the experience affected you this much. Although you'll be hard-pressed to put anything past Radu considering the boy hears everything, whether he wants to or not,” TJ told him.

“Yeah.” He dropped his hand and flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling, eyes distant, unfocused, and watery. “I told Radu several weeks ago that I can't apologize for things as an officer. It undermines crew confidence. They teach that in Command School.”

“So I've heard,” TJ said softly, remembering the conversation. “It's all a load of poppycock if you ask me.”

“They are trying to teach us how to make quick decisions, to be dispassionate, use our brains, not our hearts,” he tried rationalizing.

“But you're not a dispassionate man,” TJ argued. 

“So I failed as an officer by virtue my own nature?”

“No,” she said quickly. “If anything it actually has made you a better one.” Taking a deep breath, she carefully considered her next words before speaking again. “This voyage… nothing any training either of us has taken could have prepared us for…” She opened her arms to indicate the ship. “This.”

A mirthless laugh escaped his lips. “Yeah.” 

“They are still children. Not soldiers. Not yet at least. Our responsibilities at this point in time are quite different it seems,” she reasoned.

“How?”

“Give me a moment because I have only recently worked this out for myself but… for all intents and purposes, we are the closest to parents out here these children have. We serve en loco parentis if you will. To Radu, we are the only parents he's ever truly known. It places a different layer of responsibility upon us and with that, a different set of expectations.” She sighed heavily. “And a whole new level of anxiety, if we are being frank, as I'm trying to not become the nagging, energy-sucking, power-sapping monstrosity of an adult figure my mum is and yet…”

“You're actually a lot like your dad,” Seth told her. “Firm, strict, honest, but always fair. You just want the best for them.”

“As do you.” She glanced down at him, still prone on her bed and watched a myriad range of emotions pass over his features. “What is it?”

“If you're like their mom out here then that makes me…” His eyes widened as his mind landed on the ending to that sentence. He cursed. “I can't do this.”

“You already are. Even without realizing it, you are,” TJ argued. 

“A father is supposed to protect his children. Keep them out of harm's way. My job as the Commander is in direct conflict to that. I may have no choice but to…” Tears filled his eyes once more. “I would never forgive myself if anything was to happen to any of them. My career has been filled with loss, but never a child. I don't know what I would do if…”

Her shoulders slumped as she caught onto his meaning. “I never want to face that.”

“Neither do I. But the risk is there.” 

TJ got up and moved to the head of the bed, picking up a pillow, then sat cross-legged and hugged it close. “I think you've just described my biggest teaching nightmare,” she whispered. 

He rolled over from where he lay opposite her, looked at the fear in her eyes, and quickly moved beside her, gathering her lean frame in his arms to reassure her as they leaned back against the remaining pillows and closed their eyes, trying to will away the nightmarish images of losing one of “their” children. It was there they remained when they awoke the next morning, heads rested against one another.

Two weeks later, when their nightmare partially came to be- Catalina was alive but switched with her now not so invisible friend Suzee- TJ sought him out for both comfort and to reassure him. The minute she entered his quarters and closed the door, they both wordlessly sought the comfort of the other's embrace. Both cried, both clung to the other, and both eventually refused to leave one another's side, afraid that doing so might bring forth something else neither of them wanted to face, and certainly not alone. It was not until both could lay with one another, arms encircled, hearts beating in time, that either could ease the tears, breathe deeply, and finally pass into a restful slumber.

Neither quite understood what kept bringing them to routinely fall asleep beside one another, but they mutually decided- silently, never aloud- it must be a quirk of their unique friendship, even as reason dictated that most friends didn't generally share beds, however innocently, sleep beside one another, or co-parent on a starship years from home. The soft glances, gentle touches, and shifting emotions were never mentioned, never spoken. 

When they awoke the next morning, foreheads touching, sharing an understanding smile, eyes reassuring, both knew they had the strength from one another to move forward for their students- their children- to heal, to work toward repairing their odd little home, and understanding that regardless of what the journey held, neither was alone with their pain and they would see it through together.

****SCSC****

“Teej, talk to me.”

The glare he received was icy, frigid, unyielding. Silent. She was furious. 

“TJ?” His voice was softer. More gentle. Treading more lightly.

More silence. All attention was being paid to the pile of laundry on her bed, the folding she insisted be done herself. It was a distraction. A reason to continue stone-walling him. Seth hated it.

“Teej, come on,” he tried coaxing her. “Please, talk to me. TJ? Theresa?”

“Do NOT call me Theresa!” she snapped sharply, causing him to step backward in alarm. “You quite well know how I feel about that name. There are exactly two people in the galaxy permitted to call me that and neither is here right now. You have certainly not earned the right to be included in that number. Not after what you said today.”

“I'm sorry! I didn't actually mean that I wanted you to be thrown out into the jungle. My adrenaline was pumping, I wasn't thinking, and for a second I reacted as though I was a captain making decisions to benefit the greater good of the crew. I'm not proud of that and it was not my best decision. And I'm sorry. You were right to yell at me and right to berate me. I deserved that. But please, don't freeze me out,” he begged. “I can handle a lot of things. I can't handle that.” His body slumped after letting that out, shaking slightly as the adrenaline crashed, and watched her for any sort of reaction.

She looked up from her laundry and immediately locked hazel eyes with his sad baby blues that were fighting salty tears. The man had the look of a puppy dog caught being naughty and presenting itself to his master with a tail between its legs. It was a pitiful look if she was being truthful. She huffed loudly, shot him an exasperated look, and finished folding her last shirt, then put the small pile into a drawer under her bed before turning attention back to him. “You are infuriating. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“You,” he said matter-of-factly, not missing a beat. “On several occasions.”

She glared once more at him, even as a tiny quirk of a smile threatened to pull at the corner of her mouth. “Why can I not stay mad at you for long?” she wondered aloud, her irritation with him evident in her voice.

“You can’t resist my charm,” he offered flirtatiously.

“You're liable to charm that damned sand monster we encountered if you're not careful,” she teased. “And if you ever make comments like today again, I'll feed you to the bloody creature myself.”

“Noted. Even if it is a vegetarian.” His smile widened, making her groan loudly. 

“Incorrigible lummox,” she grumbled, folding her arms in front of her and looking away. “You do realize it almost ate Harlan, yes?”

His grin somehow widened, knowing he had wound her up but was starting to wear her down. “I keep things interesting at least. Can't say you are bored.”

“I should say the downtime is nice, but the more… exciting moments?... do provide a temporary distraction from my usual thoughts,” she admitted. 

“Like?”

“My usual fear. Anxiety. Considering which possible gruesome way we could all be killed out here so I can try to think of ways to not allow exactly that from happening,” she confessed. “The longer we're out here, the longer that list of potential outcomes gets.” She paused before adding, “The appearance of the Spung today did nothing to quell my fears.”

“How did they get the drop on you anyway?” Seth asked worriedly. He dreaded the answer but for some reason, he needed to know how she had ended up shrunken in a tiny box and used as bait in the hunters’ twisted game.

She dropped her head. “Made a bit of a mistake on my part,” she told him, critiquing herself. “I needed some quiet. Time to clear my head. You were busy with the boys so I hiked down to the edge of the cliffs to look at the ocean. I was by myself- and before you lecture me, I am well aware I should not have been alone- and was spending a few moments in peace when some sort of hoop was thrown around my feet. Just as I turned to see what it was all about, there was a flash of light, a laugh, and as quickly as the light flashed, I was two inches tall, trapped in a metal box, and being sneered at by those blasted Spung hunters.” She shuddered at the memory. “I suppose that's my punishment for wandering off alone. Rest assured, I won't be doing that again.” TJ looked at him grimly.

“Am I to assume that is now on your growing list of ways we can all be killed?”

“Do not dare joke about-”

“I'm not,” he cut in before she could berate him. “I just-” He sighed, then took a shaky breath. “I should have been there. I could have stopped this. Could've protected you from-”

“And had both of us taken?” she asked. “No, that would not do either.”

“Or both of us could have gotten away.”

“And then what? It's likely the Spung would still have tracked us all here,” TJ reasoned. “Our students would have been put at risk regardless. Which brings me to my next point. The Spung know we are here. That is not boding well for our long term relative safety on this planet,” TJ added. 

“I had the same thought,” he sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I already asked Thelma to see what she can do about increasing scans of the area. Perhaps we can find some bed of deutronium ore we can use to replace the power crystal. Anything to get us back into space. At least off the ground we have a chance to get away from any threats.”

“And if the Spung return? Or some other threat appears?” she asked anxiously.

Seth remembered something the hunter had said. We must prepare for the next time our two forces meet. He shuddered. “Let's hope it doesn't come to that.” His expression looked grim, knowing full well it wasn't a matter of if, but when. “For now, I'm just glad you are alright.”

“Me too.”

“Teej?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you hate your name?”

She whirled on him with wide eyes. Where was that coming from? she thought. “Why do you ask?” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“You said I know how you feel about the name. All I know is that you hate when people call you Theresa-” He heard her inhale sharply as though the name pained her. “-But I don't know why,” he added quickly.

“That's right,” she said carefully.

“It's a nice name,” he offered awkwardly. “I just wondered why you hate it so much.”

She sighed. This was not something she really discussed with anyone and wasn't sure how she wanted to proceed. The truth seemed most needed and seeing the interest and curiosity in his eyes paired with genuine respect and concern, it made her comfortable enough to feel she could do just that. “My parents. They are very different people,” she began. 

“I… don't know what that means.”

TJ closed her eyes, took a deep breath in order to work up some courage to tell her story, and continued. “You knew my dad-”

“I still spoke to him fairly regularly up until we disappeared,” he cut in.

“- Warm, encouraging, smart, he always made me feel like I could do anything,” she continued, seemingly not hearing his interjection. “Gave me my nickname and every time he spoke to me, it was with all the warmth and love and nurturing a child should ever want or need from a parent. He was cautious but wise and wanted me, above all else, to be happy.”

“What about your mom?” Seth asked cautiously. 

“Complete opposite. Mother was exacting, impatient, nagging, energy-sucking… always a reason why something I wanted to do wasn't a good idea. Theresa, you can't join softball, ladies don't play in the dirt. Theresa, why did you only get an A and not an A star grade? Theresa, you cannot go out to that party, what will people think of you out with that crowd? Theresa, you aren't working hard enough, Theresa, the reason no one wants to marry you is that you're too smart, Theresa…” she broke off as the tears started falling. 

Seth wrapped his arms around her, drawing her tightly to him as he rubbed circles on her back. “It's okay, it's okay,” he whispered soothingly.

“She represents everything I don't want to become and sometimes I speak and her words come out and it makes me want to scream,” TJ said through hiccups as she cried into his shoulder. 

Seth's mind was busy connecting dots. “Your name… it began to represent all the negativity. All the bad.” He pulled away slightly so he could look at her. “Who else called you by your name besides your mom?”

“Dad did. But only when I was in trouble and usually in combination with my middle name. He used it quite infrequently when I was a child, and still as an adult he rarely calls me by my given name,” she admitted. “Even my sister only calls me TJ. It's about the only good thing Jenny has ever done for me,” TJ told him. 

Seth smiled slightly as a final dot connected. “So calling yourself TJ… it was a way for you to honor the name your dad gave you and live the way you chose to, not the way your mother was scaring you into?”

She pulled away and turned from him as she thought of how to explain. “Names are powerful. Names connect you to identity and give you control over certain situations. They have value. Meaning. Purpose. They can be used to build a person up or tear them apart. Mum always made me feel small and insignificant when she called me Theresa. That I had no power and no control. It was where my anxiety and panic attacks began.”

He put his hand on her shoulder. “But TJ isn't any of that.”

“TJ takes control of her life and her identity. She sets goals and makes plans and discovers ways to carry them out. She wants to live her best life, in the way she sees fit to,” she admitted. 

“TJ is referring to herself in the third person,” he teased. 

She blushed and turned to face him. “Sorry, Commander,” she responded automatically. 

“It's Seth. Can I tell you who I believe TJ is?” he asked softly, ignoring her sudden use of his title.

TJ's entire body tensed in his hands. “Who?” she asked cautiously.

“You, TJ, are brilliant in ways that no one even gives you credit for. Your sense of reason and your carefully measured thought process has saved my life and the lives of our students- our kids- more times than I can count. You are brave and courageous and the way you wake up every morning and face your fears despite your anxiety is something I respect and admire. It makes you the strongest person I've ever met. You are capable in ways few people have ever given you credit for. You are the reason any of us are still alive. You keep me on my toes and challenge me at every turn which is something no one has ever done for me- Teej? Did I say something wrong?”

The woman was still shaking in his arms, but now the tears were streaming down her cheeks. Shaking her head, she threw her arms around his neck and nestled her head into his neck. “You really are… no one has ever told me that before,” she admitted softly. 

He was stunned. That didn't seem possible. “How-?”

“Despite being an infuriating, impulsive, incorrigible lummox sometimes, you are a kind, honest, genuine man at heart, Seth Goddard,” she told him, pulling away to look him in the eyes. “I personally feel quite lucky that it is you out here to guide us home.”

“That… we can debate another night,” he sighed. TJ had more faith in him than she probably should, but he was too tired to argue. His goal for the night accomplished- apologize and earn her forgiveness- he turned to leave not wanting to be pressed on his own demons. 

“Seth?”

“How often were you and my father in contact?” she asked.

“What?” 

“You said that you and my father spoke regularly. How often?”

He nervously ran his hands through his hair. Busted. He should have known better than to think she hadn't heard his protest. “I thought you might have missed that. I should know better that you don't miss anything.”

“Indeed.”

With a sigh, he walked over to her couch and sat down, patting the seat beside him, which she obliged. “Mr. Davenport… your dad… he was my sounding board for… just about everything…” He continued with his story until TJ was snoring lightly on his shoulder, wondering again how he kept finding himself in that position with her. Space help me, he thought. Before he could further contemplate their position and the implications, he too fell into a deep sleep.

****SCSC****

TJ found him on the floor of his quarters over a week later, plastic report files strewn around him, maps tagged and circled, and consulting two separate Compupads. It looked like a small tornado had deposited items in a random pattern around his body and she was worried about what his findings would entail. “Seth?” she asked quietly, not wanting to startle him, but also wanting to alert the man to her presence.

Seth looked up sharply, then softened considerably when he discovered it was TJ standing just inside the door. “Hey,” he greeted her warmly. There was a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, but TJ detected the underlying worry in his eyes. 

“You missed supper,” she said lightly.

“Too much to do,” he said, indicating the mess around him. 

“And this is?”

“Thelma’s scans were able to pick up a bed of ore that may contain a crystal we might use to power the Christa and get back into space,” he informed her. “It's gotten far too dangerous. First the hunters, today Reaver. I have no desire to find out who is next- or who comes looking if the prior people tell their ‘friends.’”

TJ shuddered at that revelation. He had a fair point. On the ground they were targets. However, she sensed something deeper was spurring on his sudden sense of urgency. “Seth?” She sat beside him and noted the shame on his face. 

“It's my fault,” he said quietly.

“What is?”

“Everything. Us being on this planet is a result of an order I gave. Going after Reaver the first time was a choice that cost my rank, my ship, my own crew- my own career. Ending up on the Christa was a result of my impulsiveness to run after my own students. You're stuck here because you chased after me to be in my classroom in the first place and then followed me on board once we pieced out the kids snuck aboard. We lost Catalina because I gave the order to explore the sister ship. The only reason any of us got out in time was because of you. And how do I repay you? You lost your job because of my actions. I've ruined your career and your reputation. Me- I caused it. No matter what I do, it ends in others being punished for things I should never have allowed to happen at all. The buck has to stop with me. So, I need to fix it. I need to find a way for us to get off this planet, whatever the cost. I-”

TJ cut off his rant. “And protecting us all from Reaver today saved us. You were smart, measured, restrained in many ways really. You waited for an opportunity before getting the jump on him.”

“You helped-”

“Why do you insist on blaming yourself for every misfortune that befalls this crew?” she cried out in frustration. TJ was sick of listening to him flagellate himself over his perceived lack of leadership and it was about time he heard it. 

“You said yourself I was going to face court-martial and disgrace,” he shot back bitterly. 

“And you act as though you are the only one who has done something wrong! I made the decision to follow you without any regard for protocol. Yes, I've been sacked, and as much as it hurts, I am also considering your words that I perhaps wouldn't want that position back. I've grown out of it. There is a certain freedom out here I never would have had at home and I am sure Father would be happy that I have finally found that side of myself,” she explained.

“But-”

“Besides, after the way the Headmistress tried complimenting me right before throwing the proverbial knife in my back whilst quoting Caesar at me, I don't believe I even want to be back at the Starcademy,” she finished. “I deserve better. And so do you.”

“But-”

“Oh for pity's sake, if that miserable bugger hadn't interrupted I would have told you I would not be taking your court martial without a fight,” she continued. “Frankly, the way the Admiral spoke to you and Harlan infuriated me. Wanted to punch him really. No one speaks to my students or to you that way. Man barely heard our truth and is ready to persecute the lot of us. Not if I have anything to say about it.” Her eyes were blazing with a determination that Seth didn't get to see much of. It brought a smile to his face.

“Feisty,” he teased, but his voice held a note of pride. “I kind of like this side of you.”

She blushed a deep shade of red. “Someone needs to be.” More softly she added, “I wish you would see what I do. You truly have an extraordinarily natural confidence and comfort out here. It's reflected in the leadership acumen you possess, the work ethic you demonstrate, and most importantly, your desire to protect and care for everyone on board this ship. You are a man worth fighting for. I would be proud to do exactly that once we return home.”

“Makes me feel for whoever gets in your way,” he quipped. 

“Let's see them try,” she shot back with a wry smile. 

“Thanks, Teej.” He reached out to put his hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Reaver showing up here today… it completely terrified me,” he confessed.

“I thought you handled his presence admirably, given your history. At least what little I know of it,” she told him.

“He had our kids… he would have hurt you…” Seth had tears in his eyes and he silently cursed himself for breaking down again. Taking a shaky breath, he pushed on. “We got off comparatively easy. We were lucky,” he told her. 

“I do have a rather nasty headache from whatever those disks were though,” she admitted, rubbing her temples.

“Same. Probably technology stolen or acquired from the same people who performed whatever grotesque surgery on him to modify himself,” Seth said grimly.

TJ's eyes widened. “Pardon?”

“Genetic modification. He's had some… work,” Seth started carefully.

“The scar on his face-”

“Oh, that one was me,” Seth admitted darkly. “I'm talking about the top of his head. Looks like back alley surgical hacked at him. Reaver has had some drastic changes made over the years to ensure he can keep up with any- as he puts it- ‘young upstarts who threaten his position of power.’ Strength enhancement, mental acuity, experiments in mind control as you've seen, he's done just about everything available with the sole intent of keeping his power and perceived influence through intimidation and thieving. Radu told me today Reaver was able to match even his strength which makes me consider intel I've gotten about his capturing escaped Andromedans during the war to sell back to the Spung. Make yourself as physically strong or as strong as your enemy in order to overpower and destroy them. Shouldn't have missed when I had the chance to…” Seth trailed off, leaving the end of his sentence unspoken. 

TJ saw the darkness clouding his eyes. She knew he was capable of eliminating Reaver as a threat, and the restraint he had shown today was likely a direct result of focusing more on protecting the children than indulging in a personal vengeance. “You did what you needed to today,” TJ offered. “I would have liked to punch him myself.”

“I won't lie. It felt good.”

“He knows we are here though,” she pointed out. “So do the Admiral, the children’s’ families, the Starcademy, the Spung.” Her brain took a few minutes to process before landing on, “We have to get off this planet.”

He gestured toward the items fanned around them. “If I leave tomorrow, I could be to the site Thelma found within four days’ time. It could take from a day to several to find the materials we need- Suzee already gave me those specs- and I want a couple just to be safe. Then I can head back, we can do the repairs, and get back into space.”

“You make it sound so straightforward,” she said dryly.

“It's not,” he admitted. 

“What do we do if someone comes after us when you're gone?” she asked.

A fair question. One he hadn't wanted to think about. “Do whatever you need to in order to protect our students,” was all he said. 

“I don't know if I can do that,” she argued. 

“You can,” he insisted. “And you will because when the worst of things happen, you have to trust your instincts and your judgement to do the right thing. What is best for everyone. And I trust you will.”

“Based on what evidence? I'm a hysterical mess most times-”

“You've gotten a lot stronger out here,” he complimented. “Your ability to help everyone see reason, weigh all options, come to sound conclusions is something we can all learn from. Myself included.”

“But what about you? Going off on this expedition, alone… is it even safe? After all that we've encountered on this planet… are you sure it's wise?” TJ's nervousness was evident and he knew that reassurance was what she needed.

“Two things,” he told her. “First, I won't ever be completely alone.”

“What?” Her face registered complete confusion. “Don't tell me you intend to take one of the children because I simply won't allow-”

He cut her off and placed a Compupad in her hand. “Suzee put a program on this so we can stay in constant contact. It'll work anywhere on the planet, so we should be good. I will check in every night before lights out so you can be sure to nag me about taking care of myself.” He said the last part teasingly and she rolled her eyes.

“Honestly,” she chastised as she swatted his arm. More softly, she added, “But I suppose I will worry less if we can still have a chance to talk each day.”

He nodded. “Which brings me to my second point.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small gold medallion, then took her hand and placed the object into it, closing her fingers around what he had given her. “I want you to hold onto this for me while I'm gone.”

She opened her hand and peered at the item, a religious figure raised against the shiny metal. “What-?”

“My St. Michael medal. Mom gave it to me right after I graduated from the academy and was given my first assignment,” he explained.

“I wasn't aware you were religious,” she said carefully.

“I'm not,” he admitted. “But Mom is, so I accepted it. And there is some significance to that particular saint and my line of work. The Archangel Michael is the patron of soldiers and Mom had this medal blessed so it would protect me at every turn. Michael is also my middle name, so there is that too-” he trailed off. “I never went anywhere without it and it became my good luck charm through the years. It's all I have from home.”

“I can't accept this,” she said quickly, trying to give it back. 

Seth closed her hands around the medal again. “Yes you can,” he said firmly. “First, because I know that with you it will stay safe while I'm gone.”

“But it's meant to protect you-”

“And in your hands, it will protect you,” he insisted. “I need to be sure you are safe. Hold that for me, and you will be. I promise.”

TJ looked from her closed hand to him and back again, unsure of what to do. She knew he had all the faith in the world in her but this- this was a different level of trust. “I will take care of it,” she said softly. “But I am returning this as soon as you come back from your expedition.”

He nodded. “Fair.”

“And while we are on this subject… oh… give me a minute.” Standing up, she excused herself and left his quarters, returning several minutes with an old-fashioned pocket watch that was on a thick chain. 'Have patience with all things, But, first of all, with yourself,' was engraved on the back. Settling back on the floor beside him, she placed it into his hands. “Dad gave me this many years ago. The quote is from St. Francis de Sales. Not that I'm religious either, but no one knew me better than Dad, and those words… I was such a stubborn child. As an adult, I still am, but I always want everything just so… Dad always tried reminding me… well, this.” She indicated the watch. “If I am to look after something of yours, then I want this to be what you take of mine. Your own patience will likely be tested in that godforsaken jungle. Let this remind you it will be worth it. Besides, how else will you know to call at the proper time each night,” she quipped.

“TJ… this… I can't take this,” he said.

“Father always thought the best of you. Even at your lowest point, he was your biggest advocate. There is no one more suited to carry this than you,” she insisted. “He would consider it fitting. It's also all I have from home so please do take care of it.”

Seth turned the watch over in his hands several times, opening then closing the timepiece, reading the inscription, admiring the details. “You understand I'm giving this back as soon as I return,” he told her, rewording what she'd told him earlier.

She smiled sweetly. “Fair,” she parroted. 

“I’ll miss you,” he said suddenly. 

Her hazel eyes widened as she looked up, meeting his crystal blues. Seth looked sincere, honest, and truthful. All she was able to answer at that moment was her own truth. “I'll… I'll miss you too,” she whispered. 

Reaching up with his free hand, he tucked a stray hair behind her ear, lightly brushing her cheek in the process, holding her gaze all the while. “I want to spend as much time as I can with you before I leave,” he revealed. Pressing his forehead to hers he closed his eyes and breathed in, wanting to hold on as long as he could. “I want-”

TJ could barely breathe. “What is it you want?” she managed to say.

“So many things. Things I can't have,” he confessed. TJ felt tears fall from his eyes and track down her own cheeks. “Not now.”

She pulled away fractionally so she could meet his eyes again. “Why not?” she implored. 

“I have to go on this expedition. I have a duty… but if I have what I want… I may not leave,” he whispered sadly. “For the good of our crew, our kids... you… I have to go.” His tears fell harder, even as he desperately fought them back. 

“And I will be here when you get back,” she assured him. 

“For now, just stay with me,” he begged. “I need your presence just a little longer.”

She wrapped her arms around him once more, holding tight until the following morning, when at the first sign of light, she bid him goodbye, promises of talking later made, then watching him until his form was out of sight. Reaching under the collar of her jumpsuit, she pulled out his medal, now dangling on a chain around her neck and began to softly pray. “St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle…”

****SCSC****

When he called the first evening, he was optimistic, having made good progress toward his goal. They spoke for over an hour before TJ drifted off to sleep, a smile on her face, comforted by his voice. The next night he looked far more perplexed, exhausted, and simply cold. He had needed to ford a river, cut through dense vegetation, and on top of it got caught in a nasty storm. Before calling, he had stripped off his soiled jumpsuit, attempting to let it dry overnight at his campsite, wearing the change of clothes he had packed. “Goodness, Seth, you need to be careful,” she advised gently. 

He had nodded at that, asking instead for a status report on the kids, attempting to take his mind off his rough day and the lack of significant progress he had comparatively made. Her voice soothed him that night and while noting Suzee's success with repairing relay connections to the helm, his began breathing deeply, a sign his body had surrendered to rest. 

Nights three and four were much the same. The fifth night was met with a rather exhausted TJ and a near giddy Seth. “I found it!” he told her excitedly. 

“What?” she asked with a yawn.

“The ore. I found a crystal that will suit our needs. So we can get off this planet,” he clarified, grinning excitedly. That smile of his. If she had been standing, her knees surely would have buckled from the intensity by which that look wholly disarmed her. 

She settled on smiling back. “That is wonderful news! When might you return?”

“Best case scenario is within a week,” he revealed. “The sooner the better. This jungle is not exactly conducive to any sort of travel.”

“Well, I certainly will be far happier when you are back. The kids are certainly keeping me on my toes,” she told with a yawn. 

“Oh?” He settled under the blanket in his tent and held his Compupad up to see her. TJ did look as though she had been subjected to her own set of difficult circumstances. 

“We got the Biosphere up and running today,” she told him. “We were able to find a variety of fruits that were safe to consume and after Bova finished spitting seeds at my neck-”

Seth barely stifled a laugh, a fact not lost on her, and that he attempted to cover with a cough. “He what?”

“Are you laughing?” she accused.

“What? Me? No,” he said with a chuckle. “Go on.”

She scowled but continued. “As I was noting, we all sampled the various flora to decide which species to plant in the Biosphere. Soon after, Radu and Thelma returned, informing us Harlan had gone missing.”

“What?” Seth sat straight up at that news, concern deeply etched on his features. “Where-?”

“It is alright now,” she cut in. “The rest of the children were able to locate him and bring him home. He had been communing with a local tribe who seemed to believe him some sort of King.”

“Oh great,” the Commander said sarcastically. “Like Harlan needs an ego boost.”

“Yes, well…”

“Where were you in all this?” he asked curiously. 

TJ looked embarrassed. “Um, well…”

“Teej?”

“Mr. Bova and I may have gotten ourselves trapped inside a rather large piece of fruit,” she admitted as she flushed a deep shade of red. “Literally had to eat our way out. I really hate this planet.”

The Commander roared with laughter as he flopped backward onto his makeshift bed. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes as he held his sides. 

“This is not funny!” she exclaimed, offended that he was laughing at her. Worse, he looked even more handsome when he did so, making it difficult to truly be angry with the man.

“Oh yes it is,” he countered. “Trust me, if it was me telling this story, you'd be laughing too.”

“Bova electrocuted me as he tried zapping us out,” she said indignantly. “Not something I found amusing.”

Taking a long calming breath, he looked at her, asking, “Are you okay?”

“Perfectly fine now. It seemed to be an accident-”

“Good.” The grin was back. 

“Don't you dare!”

“As if you are the only one Bova has ever unintentionally taken an electrical shot at,” he pointed out.

“He's gotten you?” she asked disbelievingly.

He nodded, saying with a straight face, “Right in the ass.”

Covering her mouth with her hand, TJ tried stifling her own giggle to no avail. It didn't go unnoticed.

“You're laughing!”

“Me? No,” she lied. A wry smile tugged the corner of her lips. 

“It's okay. I think it's funny now. Maybe not so much at the time… it'll be the same with you later,” he assured her.

Crossing her arms, she made a face. “I know you're right,” she conceded. “I just…”

“What?”

“I really wish you were here,” she whispered, a confession, a plea.

Sobering instantly, Seth scanned her face, seeing the dark circles beneath her hazel eyes, the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, the lines furrowed across her forehead, the deep breaths she was taking to calm herself. “I'll be home soon,” he assured her. 

“Good. I don't know how much longer I can do this without you.”

Silently, each of them reached for the objects they'd given each other, the medal and the watch, letting it be their way of holding onto the other as both drifted to sleep. Neither remembered to turn off their call, each letting the sound of the other's breathing lull them to sleep.

Three days later, TJ called him midday, frantic. “How far are you from the Christa?” she greeted him.

“Good to hear your voice too, Teej,” he quipped back. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your early call?”

“Bova has been tracking a rather intense ammonia storm,” she revealed. “You need to either hurry back here or find a safe place to shelter before it bears down. Your tent simply will not do.”

Seth's eyes widened, fear showing in his eyes as he desperately tried to consider a plan. “I'm too far from the ship,” he admitted. 

“Bloody hell,” she cursed. 

“Language, Teej,” he teased lightly.

“Oh, do shut up. Let me think,” she chastised. “Can you send me your coordinates?”

“Uh, yeah,” he told her. “Why-?”

“Do it.”

A moment later, a set of grid points appeared on her Compupad which TJ quickly transferred to the viewscreen in her quarters, trying to make sense of the information. “Ugh, she cried in frustration. After attempting to manipulate some controls she screamed again. “Now, of all times, the Christa won't let me access a system to run a scan! This could be the Commander's life and you won't allow me-”

“Why don't you ask Thelma-?”

“Yes! Thelma?”

“Yes, Miss Davenport?” the android chirped over the teacher's right shoulder.

Letting out a startled yelp at being surprised- and how was it Thelma could still manage to sneak up and surprise her after all this time?- TJ shook her head and thought fast. Pointing to the viewscreen, she managed to piece together what she needed. “These coordinates are the Commander's current location. Could you scan his vicinity and discover where he could possibly take shelter in the event he won't be able to return to the Christa before the storm arrives?” she asked, worry evident in her voice.

“Yes, Miss Davenport.” Thelma went to the computer and began entering commands, whirring as she did so, as TJ began worriedly wringing her hands around the Compupad she clutched.

“Teej, it's going to be fine,” he assured her softly.

“How do you know that?” she argued. 

“Look at me,” he advised. Her gaze caught his through the Compupad, the tiny smile he gave her reassuring, trusting, and confident. “We will figure this out,” he said calmly.

“You have a great deal of faith-”

“I have to. It means I can get home to you- all of you,” he quickly corrected, realizing his audience.

TJ blushed a deep red as she smiled shyly. “Yes, well-”

“A-ha!” Thelma interrupted. “There is a network of caverns approximately 4.75 kilometers from his current location. It should provide him protection from the storm.”

“Thelma, send me the coordinates. If I leave now, I can be there within the hour,” he told her.

“Go,” TJ ordered worriedly. “Do be careful.”

“I'll call you when I get there,” he said quickly, before breaking contact, leaving her on her own again. 

TJ worried the chain at her collar for several minutes before taking a deep breath and forcing herself to return to the Command Post to get updates from Bova that could benefit the Commander. “St. Michael the Archangel, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of…”

It was nearly two hours later when he contacted her again, as she tried to occupy herself with a science experiment trial she was running for a lesson. A pot of chamomile tea was brewing beside her, the smell giving her a sense of calm in the wake of her anxiety. When the Compupad buzzed beside her, she grabbed it immediately, turning it on and sighing in relief upon seeing him. “Where have you been?” she asked sharply. “You said you'd be there within an hour.”

“It was a little challenging to get here,” he said, an edge of frustration in his voice. A pause. “Are you brewing tea in the lab?”

“You are changing the subject.”

“You are! That's not safe-”

"Neither is having you alone in the jungle but there you are-"

"So you're mixing tea and chemicals to make us even? TJ, are you listening to yourself?"

“Can we get back to the matter at hand here? I've been worried sick!”

Seth didn't push the issue further. Instead, he explained what he had been facing. “Thelma neglected to mention the strangling vines along the way. Narrowly avoided several of those, then tripped over a damned tree root and landed on my wrist.” He rubbed at his arm, which TJ had not noted until now was bandaged. Seeing her eyes widen, he explained, “Scraped open my wrist when I landed. Might have sprained it too. Nothing I can't manage.” 

She shook her head. “You shouldn't even be in this position. Oh, why did I ever let you go-”

“Are you saying you would have tried to stop me?” Seth asked wearily.

“Are you saying I should have?” she countered.

He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to admit he would have likely stayed behind if she asked. Or tried harder to find an alternative. There had to have been another way. One that maybe wouldn't have kept him away for so long. That the storm was keeping him away longer over. “You shouldn't be blaming yourself for my going on this trip. I'm the Commander. The buck stops with me. Remember?”

“And if something happens in between all this?”

“Miss Davenport? Could you come to the Command Post?” Bova's droll voice said over the ship board com.

“What is that about?” Seth asked. 

“Likely a status report on the storm. I told him to inform me if anything changes.”

Lopsided smirk. “Look at you taking command when you need to,” he teased.

TJ snorted. “Hardly. I just asked him to keep me in the loop. For the good of all of us.”

“A command decision,” he said firmly. “I knew you had it in you.” His smile widened and reached his eyes. “I'm proud of you.”

Red. Bright red. “Well…” 

“You should probably go see what he needs to show you. Responsibilities, you know.”

“Right,” she said softly. 

“I'm not going anywhere. Maybe I'll even try to get some rest. Nurse my wrist a bit. You know. Take care of myself.” The last bit sounded a bit pointed. 

She scowled. “We'll discuss whether or not you believe I have been taking care of myself-”

“You haven't-”

“- some other time. Let me go see Mr. Bova. We can talk more later?” she asked.

He sighed. “Yeah. Later.” She ended the call then, leaving him alone once more. Reaching into his pocket, he rubbed at the watch she'd asked him to hold. Thinking for a moment, remembering from who the quote engraved on the outside was by, he whispered, “Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. St. Francis de Sales.”

He drifted off to sleep still clutching the watch.

The nap was short-lived as TJ woke him less than a half-hour later. “How far into the caverns are you?” 

“Um, hi,” he said groggily. 

“You lummox, not the time. How far into the caverns are you?” she repeated.

“Lummox?”

“Seth Michael Goddard, I am in no mood,” she warned.

“Okay! Uh, I went far enough to not worry about the ammonia and set up a power fence,” he told her.

“Turn off the fence.”

“What?!”

“Turn off the fence.”

“You're serious? What did Bova say?”

“The ammonia storm. It has tracked eastward so it will miss us-”

“Well, that's good news-”

“However, there's a rather large electrical storm that will arrive in its place,” she said quickly.

He was on his feet instantly. “And there's the bad news. Turning off the fence,” he called. “Have you powered off all non-life support systems?”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course. Then rebooted Thelma when she tried shutting herself down.”

He chuckled. “Good.” It took several minutes before he had removed any equipment that might be compromised and hastily packed his gear before dragging it deeper into the shelter, carrying his Compupad all the way. The connection became fuzzier the further he went. “How large is this storm?”

“Sizable. Bova indicated it could be several hours until we are clear.”

“Seems to already be having an effect on communications,” he muttered. Heart pounding, he needed to collect his thoughts. “Teej, you need to be careful. Take care of the kids and don't let them venture out in this.”

“Obviously not,” she agreed. 

“I don't know how much longer we'll be able to talk. It seems to be messing-”

She had already noted that. It seemed she was only hearing every third word. “You need to be careful,” she told him worriedly, hoping he got the message. “Stay put. Don't get any stupid ideas of trying to-”

“Teej?” he asked. 

“I will not have you getting yourself hurt or worse, Seth, do you hear me?” she ranted. “Just… wait for this to pass, then come straight home. Please.” The last word came out as a desperate plea, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“Teej, I-” Seth never finished his sentence. 

The device lost the signal, frustrating TJ to no end as she threw the Compupad onto the couch away from her and sobbed, her fear and anxiety overtaking any sort of rational thought she had. There was a great deal she wanted to say, to do. She wanted to check on the children to be sure they were safe. She wanted to barge out into the storm to retrieve Seth, danger be damned. She wanted to get off this godforsaken planet and go home. Instead, she was reduced to curling into a ball on her couch, sobbing uncontrollably, Compupad several feet away, while clutching the medallion at her neck. “St Michael the Archangel, today I offer myself to thee, and place myself, my family, and all I possess under thy most powerful protection…” 

She never fell asleep that night. 

The next morning, eyes still red from crying through the night as she worried about Seth's well-being, she wiped the remaining tears before steeling herself to enter the galley for some tea. She was wholly unprepared for the sight that greeted her. While the children looked safe, Bova’s hair was positively standing on end. Combined with obvious static charges pulsing around his head- certainly far more than would be considered normal for the typically dour young man- and the unusual quiet that befell the room the moment she stepped inside and it was clear they had all been out in the storm. The very one Seth had made her agree not to allow them to venture out in. Guilt. She gasped upon seeing them all, but couldn't bring herself to berate their obvious breach of lockdown. Her hands started shaking and she quickly exited and ran for her quarters, before the children could see her meltdown. She was hyperventilating, having the beginning stages of an anxiety-fueled panic attack. Seth was going to be furious. She had failed. If she was supposed to be in charge, she should have known what the students were up to and she had completely missed… 

Oh but Seth wouldn't yell at you, the rational part of her brain tried convincing her. He would talk everything through with you. Make reassurances that all would be fine. He was the calm one. Trying to picture his strong, even voice, TJ took several gulps of air as she struggled to slow her breathing and regain control. 

But where is he now, especially if the students seem to be back safe and comfortable? Her mind turned over and over before she somehow came to notice she was curled into a ball on the floor of her quarters. How did I even get here?, she wondered. 

“Thelma?” she called shakily from her position.

“Yes, Miss Davenport?”

TJ looked up at the innocent, inquiring face of the android and slowly stood upright to face her. “Is the storm still over us?”

“No, Miss Davenport.”

A sigh of relief escaped. “Good. Could you begin powering up-”

“However, the storm is still over the ship and our surrounding area,” Thelma finished. 

TJ groaned. She mentally chastised herself for not being specific enough. I should know better. “And how much longer until it moves away?”

Thelma looked unfocused for a moment as she processed the question. “Based on the size of the storm and current trajectory, I estimate it will have completely moved away within the next six hours.”

TJ nodded. You can do this. “Alright. Keep me updated and inform me the moment it has passed so we can assess any damage the Christa may have sustained in order to effect repairs.”

Thelma disappeared then, leaving the woman alone. Walking over to the couch, she picked up the Compupad from where she'd thrown it the previous evening, running her fingers over the casing, willing Seth's voice to come through, even as she knew, somehow, that he would wait for her to contact him. To know it was safe, that he could leave his shelter and come home to her- all of them. So she waited. 

Eight hours later, once she finally got the clearance from Thelma, and restarted the ship's systems, TJ reached out.

“Seth. Please, come home.”

****SCSC****

Three days later, after an exhaustive journey home full of more than a few detours, obstacles, and losing nearly two days because of the storm, Seth finally saw the Christa come into sight. His shelter in the storm allowed time for his wrist to heal some, but he still hated the delay. He had never been more relieved to see the ship. He was home. 

Speaking to TJ had been the bright spot of every day and seeing her… all he wanted was to gather her body into his arms and not let go, to fall asleep beside her and be comforted by just her presence, to finally tell her… they had a lot to discuss. First though, he needed to get cleaned up. Despite finding some creeks and riverbeds to wash up in, nothing would feel nicer than fresh clothes and a hot, steaming shower. 

From the distance, he saw the ship give a lurch once, and he stood ramrod straight for a moment, concerned for what was happening. Then, quickening his pace, he near sprinted the rest of the distance- or at least the best one could with all the gear in his arms. Dropping a few bags outside the airlock door, in order to allow him to move faster, he entered the ship and expedited toward the Command Post, feeling another lurch when he was only a hundred feet away. What is going on? 

Once he entered the room, he saw the entire crew gathered, TJ included. His lightning fast assessment was they were doing repair work and given the lurching, probably testing the thrusters. At least I hope it was that. He needed a status report. Fast. 

“Commander Goddard! Safe and sound!” TJ exclaimed joyfully as she approached him, arms outstretched. Oh, but he wanted to hug her. Not here though. Not with an audience. 

He knew he would catch hell for what he was about to do next, but needed to focus on the ship right then, the crew. He could smooth everything over with TJ later. “Thank you!” he greeted, handing all his gear over. He saw her face drop as he walked to the center of the room. 

“Commander, welcome back,” Harlan greeted. 

“It's good to be back,” he said honestly. And it was. Being away from TJ- all of them- was lonely, difficult, and maddening. Trying to focus on surviving alone was exhausting. 

“Commander? We have main thrusters in engineering back online,” Suzee informed him.

“Scanners are operational and shields are back online,” Radu continued. He knew the scanners were up- TJ had revealed as much when Thelma had run scans of the area to help him shelter from the storm, but he was happy for the update nonetheless.

“And the helm is ready for takeoff,” Harlan finished proudly. 

“Good. Very good,” he commended them. “You guys have done well on your own. I'm proud of all of you.” He exchanged a brief, significant look with TJ before continuing. “Now, how close are we to getting off the planet?”

The children looked at each other, faces somewhat crestfallen. “Well, we still don't have the replacement crystal to power up the protomix,” Suzee admitted. 

He grinned, thrilled he could assist with this. “You mean like the one sitting outside?” he asked, a lopsided smirk threatening to pull at his features. 

“You mean you found one?” Suzee was incredulous. The other students gawked at him in awe from the helm. 

“Yup,” the Commander told her proudly. His arms were crossed over his chest, preening slightly at his success. “I'd say our problems are just about over.”

The children chattered excitedly as they retook their posts. TJ remained by the door, carefully watching the scene.

“I cannot wait until we are off this planet and back into space,” Harlan said from his post, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. “How long until we take off?”

“Well, if everything's up to speed as you guys say, we should be ready once you get that crystal operational Suzee,” Seth told them.

“When will that be?” Radu asked worriedly. There was an odd edge to his voice. He was concerned about something. A quick glance to TJ garnered only a sigh and a look of a story he needed to be filled in on.

“Well, to actually install the crystal and align it should only take a few hours,” Suzee started.

“That's great!” Radu exclaimed. He started for the door, but Suzee put up a hand to stop him.

“But then I have to test it and make sure there are no bugs in the system,” Suzee explained. 

“And how long will that take?” Harlan asked over Seth's left shoulder. 

Seth was following the conversation with interest, letting the kids take the lead, noting they seemed to be asking all the right questions so far. 

“Not long. A week maybe,” Suzee answered confidently.

Radu shook his head impatiently. “Well, what are we waiting for, let's go!” He bolted from the room. 

Seth watched Suzee roll her eyes with disgust, then trudge after him. He shot Harlan a curious look, to which the boy shrugged and turned back to the controls. With a sigh, he turned and headed out of the Command Post to retrieve the crystal. 

“Commander?” TJ asked sweetly.

Her voice. God, had he missed her. Turning to say something, he instead had all the gear he'd handed off redeposited in his hands. “Take that with you,” she said with finality. Spinning away from him, she sat down beside Rosie and worked with the young Mercurian on an issue that seemed to be puzzling her. 

Yep. He knew he was going to catch hell but he didn’t expect an edge of snark and silence. Groveling might be in order later. With a sad sigh, he left, hoping to smooth things later. 

He busied himself over the next two hours with unpacking from his trip, then, after being summoned back to the Command post before he could get a quick shower, returned to check systems as Suzee installed the crystal. Hearing the engines power up as he arrived, he smiled. “Is that what I think it is?” he asked, feeling hope well in his chest.

“It is,” TJ agreed, standing beside him. “It sounds like we are just about ready for liftoff!” She smiled at him and his heart skipped a beat. Not the time or place, Seth, he mentally chastised himself. For now, he needed to focus. Get the ship off the ground. Then he would have all the time in the world to talk to her. He spun around as Harlan spoke again. 

“That a girl, Suzee,” the Earther boy called out. 

Then the engines shut down. A collective groan came from all. “Don't worry guys, don't worry,” he told them, attempting to raise their spirits and reassure them. “It's a new crystal, remember? Suzee still has to get the kinks out.”

A general muttering could be heard as they all turned back to work. A few moments later, the power came online again, holding steadier now. Seth nodded his head in satisfaction, then left again, promising to return in a few minutes, asking TJ to follow him. Her lips were pursed, but she obliged. Both missed the raised eyebrows of the rest of the crew in the Command Post as they left.

He led the way to the galley, getting a cup of coffee while putting the kettle on for TJ's tea. She watched him from the door, arms crossed, as he scurried about, grabbing the sugar for her, pouring both beverages, preparing them the way each preferred their drinks. Part of her was still annoyed with the way she'd been greeted when he arrived back to the ship. The other part felt lightened with how he always knew small details about her and always attended to them without being asked. “Here you go,” he said, voice cutting through her reverie. 

“Hmm?”

“Tea? Two sugars,” he said, holding out a stainless steel mug. 

She mumbled a thanks and took a sip. Perfect. Sometimes he got her tea better than even she could. 

“Hey,” he said softly, using his free hand to reach out and rub her arm lightly. He felt her tense up and withdraw from him. “Sorry, I didn't mean-”

“You can't just come back, barely say hullo in front of everyone, and then get me alone and pretend all is fine,” she told him harshly. 

“I know but-” 

“I was excited to see you! Heavens, I missed you and you pretended as though you didn't care!” she yelled, smacking him hard across the chest

“Teej, I'm sorry, I-”

“And don't you Teej me and expect it to all be better!”

He looked hurt now. “But I always call you Teej-”

“I'm well aware of that!”

“Listen, if you hate the name, why didn't you tell me-”

“I don't hate that name! I actually rather like that you have a special name that belongs to us and us alone, you stupid lummox!” She hit him harder across the chest.

“Then why-?”

“You are a space idiot. An absolutely infuriating man! An-”

If her goal was to wind him up, she had done a good job. “-Officer who thought something was seriously wrong when I saw the ship lurching around and immediately made a run for it to make sure you- all of you- were alright,” he shouted. Now he was angry. “That's my duty- my responsibility, remember?”

“And once you realized we were perfectly alright and had everything under control?” she shot back. 

“I had to assess how things were going. To be sure it was safe,” be argued. “Again, my job.”

They stood, glaring at one another, waiting for the other to cave. After a few minutes, to Seth's frustration, it was he who did so. “I'm sorry,” he whispered. “I had an entire idea in my head of how I would greet you and instead I screwed up. Again.”

She sighed loudly. “For pity's sake, you-”

“I'm horrible.”

“Me too.”

Whatever retort he had died before it rolled off his tongue. “Teej…” He took both their mugs and put them on the table in the center of the room, then crossed back to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. “I missed you,” he breathed into her hair, lightly kissing the crown of her head. He was home. “I know we only have a few minutes, but-”

She melted against him. Whatever anger she had instantly faded. Everytime. He just knew how to make everything better in an instant. Every. Single. Time. “I promise, no one is happier than me you're back.” TJ pulled away as her brow furrowed. “We also have a hopefully minor issue to handle.”

“What is it?”

“Radu.”

“I noticed.”

“He is claiming to have gotten a message from Elmira. Warning of an imminent Spung attack on us. I know it sounds a bit much but-”

Seth immediately remembered the last time they encountered the Spung. The hunters. We must prepare for the next time our two forces meet. His blood ran cold. “TJ, if what he saw is true-”

“I don't know if it is or isn't. But I thought you should be aware it was stated,” she said quietly. 

“We have to get back to the Command Post,” he said quickly. Disentangling from her, he picked his coffee mug up, downed the drink in one go, and grabbed her hand to lead her back.

****SCSC****

Re-entering the Command Post, both were all business. “Fuel line repaired?” he asked as TJ followed.

“Yes, sir,” Harlan said.

“Good.”

“And sir?” Thelma stepped nearly nose-to-nose with him. Her sudden appearance and lack of understanding with regard to personal space was something he hadn't missed. Even if she did mean well. “There's a message coming in. I'll route it through the Christa’s communications systems.”

“A message?” he mused aloud. “Who'd wanna contact us down here?” The answer to that question terrified him, especially after what TJ had already shared. He wasn't naive enough to believe their encounters with the Spung and Reaver wouldn't have consequences but-

“This is it! It's them! We're done for!” Radu exclaimed.

“UPP Communication. Hold location for rendezvous,” a tinny voice stated as it filled the Command Post. What? Seth's eyes scanned around trying to process what he was hearing. It can't be… “Confirm STARDOG Confirmation Code 8003253535.” He glanced at TJ who looked just as shocked. 

“UPP?” Rosie asked. 

Seth sincerely hoped she was shocked and in disbelief not really that uninformed about their own government as he answered, “United Populated Planets. Our people,” he clarified in disbelief as he was running the code through his head. His arms spread excitedly as he landed on the meaning. “They've found us! That's a legitimate STARDOG code!” He missed the broad smiles of the students as he answered. “UPP Communications, we read you. Standing by for rendezvous, repeat, standing by for rendezvous.” He could feel everyone's happiness- except Radu's. Putting a hand to his chin, he smiled. “Well, I better start getting packed.” Running a hand over his face scruff- Man, I need to shave!- “I better get cleaned up. We're going home!” 

The joyous commotion behind him showed they were all just as excited to be leaving the planet for good. He hoped they would be able to rescue the Christa as well- something pulled at his heart about just abandoning her and Thelma- but he could cross that bridge when he came to it. 

His musing was broken by Radu. “After all this time? And the UPP locates us all the way out here?”

He heard everyone chastise the poor Andromedan boy as he asked for tests on the engine to proceed, then leave to do a final look around. Seth remained behind with the boy. “Commander, I feel like something is very wrong. That there's something we're missing,” Radu insisted.

The Commander sighed. He needed to play this delicately. “Radu, I will continue to monitor this,” he told the boy.

“Thank you, sir-”

“After I get a shower,” he threw in. “I'll also ask Suzee to continue with looking at the systems. Perhaps we can find a way to rescue the Christa as well.” 

“But Elmira said-”

“I'll see what I can do about looking for any Spung. Wouldn't do to have our rescue never make it,” he pointed out. I'll give the UPP ship a warning to be on alert,” he offered.

Radu nodded, happy not to have been completely ignored, but still unsure what to do. “Thanks, Commander,” he said softly. 

Seth nodded. “Go on and get packed up. At least be ready when the ships arrive.”

The boy left then. Satisfied all was covered, Seth left, looking forward to a hot shower and a shave. 

An hour later, as he was fixing his once again regulation hair, he heard a chime at the door. He smiled, knowing exactly who it was. “Come in, TJ,” he called. 

She stepped in, wringing her hands. He noticed something gold glinting in her hands. His medal. “How is your packing coming along?” she asked. 

“Slow. Wanted to feel human again,” he said jokingly.

“Right,” she whispered. Scruffy, not scruffy, it didn't matter. He was achingly handsome either way.

“Yours?”

“Nonexistent,” she admitted sheepishly. “I tried starting, discovered I didn't want to, and stopped.”

That was a surprise. “What do you-?”

“I'm just starting to really get my footing out here. Restore my equilibrium. Tap into strengths I never knew were in me. Discover who I am and not who everyone at home thought I was supposed to be. And you and I are… we're finally… Going home now… sure, I'd get to see my dad, but I would lose everything else,” she admitted. “Does it make me awful if I don't want to give it up?”

“Nope. I feel the same. Our disappearance gave me back the feeling of a ship, a crew. Even if I don't have control, it's still getting to be in space, but this time… we've managed to create ourselves a family out here, haven't we?” He sighed. “You and me… we have five great kids to take care of. As crazy and ridiculous as things get, I'm glad it's you who has been at my side. I can't… I couldn't have done this without you,” he admitted. 

“What will happen when they come for us?” TJ blurted out. “The children will get to go back to their families, but what about us?”

He sighed. “I've been trying not to think about that,” he admitted.

“But we have to now,” she pointed out. “I've lost my job and have nowhere to go. I refuse to go back to Mars colony but I barely know anyone on Earth. I doubt anyone wants a former Starcademy teacher sacked for… heaven knows what the Headmistress told people.” She sighed heavily, dropping onto his couch. “And you-”

He knew what she meant. “I'm sure the Admiral has big plans for my court-martial,” he said sarcastically. “I'm sure public flogging would happen if he could. At the very least, there will be interest in our return. That'll ensure my trial becomes a public spectacle. Terrific. Can only imagine what my family will be put through.”

“I won't let that happen,” she declared. “If I have to make it my mission in life to clear your name, I'll do it. In the meantime, perhaps this will help.” She held out his medal as an offering. 

His shoulders sagged. “TJ, what are you doing?” 

“It is your lucky charm. Meant to protect you from harm. I should think it will do well to keep anything bad from you now too,” she said shyly. 

“You don't have to-”

“I want… if you have it during the trial, perhaps things won't go as badly as they could. You would possibly be free and then…” she trailed off as she pressed the medal into his palm, squeezing his hands gently. “I don't want to lose you after our adventure. So please. Take it.” She kissed him on the cheek before rising and heading for the door. “I'm going to start packing. Meet you on the bridge in a bit?”

Stunned, brushing his fingers over his cheek, he merely nodded as she left him alone. 

Minutes later he was at the helm, contacting the UPP again. “UPP Communications, confirming coordinates for rendezvous.”

“Confirmed for rendezvous in approximately four hours and eighteen minutes.”

“UPP Communications we read you,” he said with a smirk. “Come and get us. Repeat, come and get us.” He folded his arms over his chest as he said it. It almost felt like a challenge the way he said it. TJ would be at his side, the children safe. Knowing he had someone to fight alongside him inspired his more confident, self-assured side. He could face this.

Little did he know what was in store.

****SCSC****

“Commander, listen to Suzee, we gotta get out of here,” Radu told him as he, Suzee, and Harlan scrambled into the Command Post. 

“He was right, I saw it. It was a vision, not a dream,” Suzee said urgently, worriedly.

“Whoa, slow down,” he said softly. TJ was right behind him, having joined him several minutes before, concern evident on her features. “Now, what are you guys talking about?”

“I went in Radu's mind! I saw them. I felt it. Three Spung killcruisers.”

Oh fuck, he mentally cursed. Worst case scenario. Radu’s warning had been true. Harlan was already asking if they could see them, Suzee jumping in to show them on long-range scanners. Three ships appeared. Killcruisers. But how had they gotten their hands on a STARDOG code? Faked their identity? Tortured a crew for information before killing them? He shuddered. Those were questions that could be addressed later. For now… “We gotta get the Christa into space,” Seth ordered. 

“But she's not ready yet,” Suzee argued. 

“Excuse me,” TJ cut in. Her face indicated she was on the verge of a breakdown but was trying to hold it together. “But what happens if they decide to simply blow us up once we're airborne?” Seth had to admit, hers was a valid question.

“At least off the ground we have a chance to escape,” Harlan reasoned. “Suzee, will the engines do it?”

“I don't know. By my estimates, yes, but I haven't had the chance to test everything yet. I don't know how stable she is,” the engineer explained.

“All right people, let's get to work,” Seth ordered. The crew dispersed to their stations, racing against the clock to get off the ground. 

“Miss Davenport, a word,” he whispered.

She looked at him curiously, noted the way he jerked his head towards the door and followed him out. He led them around the bend in the hall, to a private corner, and pulled his medal out. “You need to hold onto this,” he ordered. 

“I beg your pardon? That is yours. Your mum gave it to you. I only just returned-”

“The Spung went after you last time,” he argued. “I would just feel better if you continued to hold it.” Unclasping the chain, he put it around her neck and refastened it. “Besides, it looks nice on you.” 

“Seth, I-”

“No arguing. We have to get back,” he told her. Kissing her forehead, he then left before she could argue, as she silently rubbed her fingers along the medallion. “Saint Michael, I entreat thee not to look at how little, I, as thy servant have to offer, being only a wretched sinner,  
but to gaze, rather, with a favorable eye at the heartfelt affection  
with which this offering is made…”

****SCSC****

Shattered. TJ’s could hear her heart literally shatter into pieces when Seth got hurt. His spine numbing scream of pain as the ship landed upon him. The desperate attempts to pull him to safety while frag torpedoes were being launched at them from the upper atmosphere. Him attempting to be noble and ordering them to leave him behind to save themselves. Ignoring him and saving his sorry arse anyway. Securing the airlock doors closed once they had, as the Christa rapidly ascended into the upper atmosphere, Radu carrying the man to the Medlab, then leaving TJ and Seth there so he could fetch Rosie. Clinging to a barely conscious Commander as he rambled nearly incoherently. Tears filled both their eyes.

“Teej?” he asked weakly. His name for her. Spoken with reverence. With love. It broke her.

“What is it, Seth?” She held onto his hand, holding it to her face as she looked into his blue eyes, seeing them fight to stay open as they locked with her own.

“You're still here.” He forced a smile.

“Of course I am,” she assured him. “I said I was here for moral support. Rosie is on the way. She will do whatever it takes to get you patched up in no time,” she said soothingly. TJ was not looking down at his legs, crushed from the waist down. He would be lucky to survive, let alone walk again. 

“Let me see you,” he pleaded. 

“What? I'm right here,” she whispered. 

“Tell everyone I'm sorry,” he begged. “Tell your Dad I'm sorry I let him down. Tell the children I'm sorry for leading them into this mess.”

“Seth, dear, dear man,” she said soothingly. “You are not to blame for anything. This was an accident. It's-”

“Promise you will get them home. That you will take care of them and of yourself,” he said weakly. 

“No, I can't do this without you,” she whispered. “I can't…”

“Promise. You can… you… much stronger… than me,” he forced himself to reveal.

TJ could see he was fading. “Seth? Seth, stay with me,” she begged, desperately trying to keep the hysteria out of her voice, even as she desperately wanted to break down. 

“Promise.”

She nodded.

“Good. I just wish we had more time,” he forced out. “I never told you…” She felt his grip weakening as she held his hand tighter.

“Seth? Seth!” she cried desperately.

“Happy…last person I'll see… is you.” With that, he faded, just as Rosie arrived with the other children, TJ sobbing and crying his name over and over.

The next few minutes were a blur. Being ripped away from him by Radu as Rosie worked. Seeing some sort of cylindrical chamber appear from the ceiling and lower itself into the room. Seth being placed inside, frozen. Systems being connected. Harlan and Suzee trying to calm her. Tears. So many tears. Her chest throbbing, as though her heart would explode when it fact it was simply breaking apart. 

When Rosie, with assistance from Thelma, finished securing him in the chamber, the crew, TJ at the center, gathered around. “He looks really bad,” Harlan commented.

“Oh, he's fine,” Rosie insisted.

“He's fine?” Harlan shot back. “How exactly is that fine?” His head indicated where Seth was enshrouded in a full body cast and frozen in a medically induced coma, healing agents coursing through his body.

“Oh, well the Christa's healing systems have hooked onto the Commander to help heal his internal injuries while he sleeps. He's not feeling any pain,” Rosie explained sweetly. 

Dear girl always saw optimism in everything. TJ appreciated that personality trait right then given her grief. How she was keeping herself together was a complete mystery, but TJ could feel another wave of tears coming. She had to get the children out. “Well, if sleep is what the Commander needs, then sleep is what he should get. Everyone, out.” 

The children shuffled out, looking back at their teacher as she reached out, placing her fingers gently on the outside of the Commander's glass prison. Thelma remained by her side, awkwardly patting her shoulder as the sobs racked her body again. 

“How am I supposed to do this?” she choked out. 

“Do what?” Thelma asked innocently.

“Take care of everyone alone.”

“Have you not done that before?” Thelma pointed out. 

“It was different,” TJ insisted. “Seth was a simple call away. We talked through everything each night. I don't even have that now.”

“You still have the crew. And me. We will help you,” Thelma offered. “I may not be able to feel emotion as you do, but my prime directive is to help. I will do that for you while the Commander is healing.”

TJ tried to smile through her teary eyes. The android's sincerity and innocence were evident, so much so that just for a minute TJ forgot the android wasn't sentient. “Thank you, Thelma,” TJ said sincerely. 

“Rosie wanted me to give you something as well. She found it while preparing the Commander for the chamber,” Thelma told her.

“What would that be?” TJ asked cautiously. 

The android held up a watch dangling from a chain. The pocket watch from her father. The one Seth had carried since his expedition. “Thelma, where-?”

“Rosie said he had it in his hand. Thought you should have it,” she offered.

Fresh waves of tears fell. “I gave him that watch to take on his expedition to help him know when to ring each day. Something of me to have with him all the time. I had no idea he was holding it…” Her body shook as sobs consumed her again. Thelma handed her a handkerchief and stood by her until TJ, exhausted, collapsed and was caught by Thelma. 

She awoke several hours later on a Medbed that was situated beside Seth, sweating, scared, a vivid nightmare of him dying under the ship still fresh in her mind. But he was stable. Alive inside the chamber. It was a small comfort. 

Clutching at his medal, fresh tears fell. “You stupid, noble, wonderful man,” she whispered. “Why did you make me take this back when it could have protected you?” But she knew the answer. Even though she hadn't admitted it aloud, TJ knew. 

“I'll be waiting each day for you to be well enough to come back to me,” she whispered. “We have a lot to discuss.”

****SCSC****

She came every day. On the good days, she sat beside him relaying the students’ progress, reading to him from some of his favorite books (leave it to the silly, stupid, adorable lummox to count The Martian Chronicles and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series as among his preferred books, but she wasn't in a position to argue), and just laying out her own sadness, crying beside him when she became overwhelmed. Tears flowed almost daily. TJ started to consider whether she could run out of tears eventually, and then, more would come.

Nightmares came frequently. Her trips to the Medlab allowed for her to retrieve some sleep aids- emazapam, triazolam, trazodone- so insomnia wouldn't threaten to destroy her. Her promise included taking care of herself. If that was how she needed to, then so be it.

The bad days, like today, she started with a status report, drawing on years of training to get her through delivering the difficult news of what she had caused. Had he been awake, Seth would surely be properly mortified by what she had done. Then again, if he had been awake, she never would have tried.

“Hullo, Seth,” she greeted softly. I'm, um…. Today was hard.” TJ caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of the glass from the chamber. Smooth, bald head. The reminder of her failed experiment. “I wanted so badly to be enough for our kids. To carry out the work for both of us while you can't. And I am finding more and more I can't do this alone.” She could picture his voice telling her she already was. That she was far better equipped than he. “I know you believe me better able to do this than you. But if you knew what I had done, what the children needed to do to fix this… you might never believe that of me again.”

“Miss Davenport?”

She turned, wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes as she faced Rosie. “Yes, dear?”

“He would never blame you for this,” the young Mercurian offered. 

“That's what I'm afraid off,” the teacher sighed. “He's so noble he would likely try to internalize this to somehow think it was his fault.”

“You were just trying to help us all.”

Tentatively touching her browline, TJ sadly uttered, “I don't see how this helps anyone.”

“Each of us learned more about each other. It's kind of brought us all closer together in a way,” Rosie explained. 

“I appreciate you trying to help,” TJ told her sincerely. “But I still believe my behavior was inexcusable.”

“You're grieving,” Rosie said soothingly, handing her a cup of tea that TJ only just noticed the girl held. “I'm not sure the Commander would be handling things as well if your roles were reversed.”

“Poppycock.”

“It's true. He said a few times when he was punishing us for pulling pranks on you to be more careful. That one day you might be all we have.” Rosie clapped her hands over her mouth as she saw tears well in the teacher's eyes. “Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-

“It's alright dear,” TJ waved her off. “How is he progressing?” she asked by way of changing the subject. 

Rosie blessedly took the hint. “He's making good progress. If he continues this way, he could be out in about two weeks.”

That was a long time, but TJ supposed it was better than the alternative- that he never came back at all. “I shall take that as good news.”

“Permission to speak freely?” Rosie asked.

TJ nodded. 

“You and the Commander are close.”

“He is… we have a very unique friendship,” TJ offered by way of explanation.

“You love each other,” Rosie told her. It was a simple statement of fact.

TJ was dumbfounded. How… “Neither of us has really indicated as such to one another,” she tried deflecting.

“We all know,” Rosie informed her. “And speaking just for myself, it's killing me. The way you dance around each other. It's different than the way I was raised.”

“How do you mean?” TJ asked curiously.

“Mercurians tend to be open about their feelings. It's a way to not keep stuff inside. It's more for our safety because if we get overly upset we overheat and it gets sorta dangerous-” Rosie paused when she saw TJ's eyes widen. “What I'm trying to say is don't keep it all inside anymore. You'll feel a lot better.”

“I'm afraid we humans are far more complicated beings,” TJ said with a sigh. “But thank you, Rosie. I'll certainly consider what you've said.”

Rosie paused while she ran some scans of the Commander and logged her findings. Then, in a move that surprised TJ, she picked up a blanket, warmed it, and placed it around her teacher's shoulders. “He'll be back soon. In the meantime, try to get some sleep- no more experiments!”

“I'll- I won't be doing that again,” she assured the girl. 

“Oh, and Miss Davenport? Suzee's and my offer to make you a wig or give you some follicle regeneration are still there if you want it,” she offered. “Just let us know.” Rosie left her alone then, as TJ smiled, touched by the girl's kindness.

“We really do have some great kids, don't we Seth?” she whispered. Settling down on a Medbed beside him, she began her nightly ritual of keeping vigil. “So much I need to say, dear,” she whispered. “But I just need you back so I may.” Picking up a Compupad, she scrolled to some old files of hers- “required reading” she had once referred to it as- and began going through the work while fingering the medal dangling at her throat until finally, she drifted to sleep.

****SCSC****

Rosie summoned her to the Medlab early three weeks later, a wide grin on her face. TJ knew this was the day. Entering with a basic uniform for him, she placed the clothing aside onto the Medbed that had served as her own bed many a night recently as she approached the glass casing. 

“I began weaning him from the sedatives about an hour ago,” Rosie informed her. “The Christa will break him from the cast and then we can bring him out of his coma.”

“Do what is needed,” TJ directed. “I'll be right here.”

When Rosie did open the cylindrical enclosure, TJ held her breath. Seth looked together. His prior injuries below the waist couldn't be discerned at all, meaning the mysterious bit of technology had done exactly as intended. It amazed her how physically well he looked. “Thelma, can you help me move him to a bed?” Rosie asked the android.

He was groggy when Thelma deposited him on the Medbed, but still asleep enough for Rosie to quickly wrap a hospital gown around him for some measure of modesty. It was a few moments before he opened his eyes for the first time and then, it was TJ, sitting on the edge of his bed and watching him intently who he focused on. “Teej?” he asked weakly.

TJ nearly burst into tears as his baby blue eyes connected with her hazel ones. Gripping his hand in hers, she responded with a simple, “I'm here.”

He smiled. “I missed you,” he whispered. 

Tears filled her eyes as she laced her fingers with his and squeezed gently. “I missed you too.”

Smiling so that his eyes seemed to twinkle just slightly, Seth closed his eyes and settled into a peaceful sleep. 

“Rosie?” TJ looked concerned but the young medical officer offered her own reassuring smile.

“It's okay. He just needs to get his strength back. The Commander needs a few days’ rest,” Rosie told her. “Once he wakes up again, we can try to move him to his quarters.”

TJ remained by his side as he slept, alternating between clutching his hand and rubbing at the watch in her pocket. “When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time,” she whispered to herself. 

When he awoke three hours later, it was when TJ was alone with him; Rosie had left for breakfast and duty at the Command Post. “Teej?”

TJ looked up from the Compupad she was working on and smiled. “Seth!”

He glanced around the room, brow furrowed in concentration. “I'm in the Medlab?”

She nodded. Unsure what he remembered, TJ gently explained. “You were badly injured as we were trying to escape from Kareesh 9. Rosie was able to secure you in a healing chamber before- it saved your life.”

His forehead scrunched as he tried to remember what happened. “I… was dying,” was what he landed on.

TJ's breath hitched. “Yes.”

“You were with me.” She nodded in affirmation. “Am I dreaming? You… I saw you, and then things went black. Next thing I know you're here…” 

“You were in the chamber for over a month,” she revealed. “The Christa herself was able to connect to you in a way and aid with your mending.”

Reaching to take her hand, Seth gazed intently at her, cataloging changes in her from the last time he saw her. Hair was shorter, cheeks more hollow, dark circles from a lack of sleep, and she appeared to have lost some weight. His frown deepened. Promise... That you will take care... of yourself, he remembered telling her. “You haven't been taking care of yourself,” he stated plainly.

“I am fine,” she insisted softly.

“How are the kids?” 

“Quite well, actually. They are certainly a handful but-”

“You focused all your energy on caring for them and not on yourself,” he finished. It wasn't judgmental. It was an observation. The guilt threatened to set in. He'd all but abandoned her, leaving her to care for everyone in deep space alone. Given her anxiety and nervousness, he supposed she could have been worse but it did nothing to calm his own shame in that moment. 

“My duty was to care for them in your absence. And to look out for you. I did what needed to be done.” 

The guilt threatened to overwhelm him again. A retort was about to fly off his tongue when he noticed a glint at her neck. His medal. He tried a different approach. “You're still wearing it.”

“Wearing- oh, this?” She fingered the gold medallion and gave a half-smile. “I haven't taken it off since… it's been a great source of comfort while…” TJ blushed deeply, unsure how to proceed with that revelation. 

His eyes widened as he realized something else. “Your watch!” he exclaimed weakly. He was getting tired again. “I… had it in my hand-”

TJ removed it from her pocket and dangled it in front of him. “Rosie found it before placing you in the chamber.”

“You were holding my hand begging me to stay and I was dying. The watch… I held onto it and wanted more time…” Tears welled in his own eyes as he connected several dots.

“Shh,” she said gently. “It seems we might just get that.”

“A second chance,” he said hopefully, eyes twinkling with adoration. 

If she hadn't been sitting beside him, her knees would have buckled. Heart pounding, she whispered, “Then we best not waste it.”

Squeezing her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it, Seth settled his head back and closed his eyes once more.

“Miss Davenport, can you come up to the Command Post?” Harlan's voice called over shipboard communications soon after Seth had fallen asleep.

Affirming to Harlan she'd be right there, she kissed Seth on the forehead. “I'll be back soon, dear,” she told him. “Rest well until I return.”

****SCSC****

To say the recovery process was easy would have been a lie. Seth was finding his rehabilitation to be more difficult than expected and only tolerable because of who was by his side. Every step of the way, each thing he needed to be reacquainted with, TJ was there, encouraging and motivating him. His first steps had been shaky, but she had wrapped her arms around his waist to hold him up and walked with him, making the daunting task seem effortless and each day he became stronger. Got back to himself. He owed her so much.

She'd given him back her father's watch, claiming he needed the reminder of having patience with himself more than she. While that was true, he also saw it as a way to keep her close to him when she wasn't able to be by his side. The same could be said of his medal. It hadn't left her neck and when pressed, she shyly noted it was a source of encouragement and strength for her. The strength he could see. Seth had believed before TJ was stronger than him; seeing her after his time in that damn chamber only served to help that trait manifest further. He found it sexy on her. And space help him, as time went on, he was finding he couldn't keep denying his feelings. Before his injury, he knew he was falling in love with her but never plucked up the courage to say it, hiding behind duty and responsibility. After… space might hate emotions but space was starting to love second chances and love being alive. Space needed the two of them together. He would fight each day until they were.

More than anything else, he KNEW HER. So when the doppelganger appeared on their ship, wreaking havoc, he knew something was amiss straight away. Forget the smell- although that was foul- other factors made him aware everyone was in trouble. Instead of looking at him, the crew- TJ- looked right through him. The clincher was TJ's doppelganger. After silencing all of them, she had tried justifying the crew's cutting remarks about one another (in the wake of their midterm reports). “I think the crew has given some constructive criticism. If you had any brains left on that teeny tiny head of yours, you'd agree.” TJ had called him many things over the years, but it was never spoken with such ill regard, contempt, or frigidity. He knew right then things were not okay.

“What?” he’d roared back in disbelief.

It was when Harlan made the offhand comment about evil twins that things clicked into place. A fast glance at the woman's neck cinched his suspicions. His medal was missing. TJ never takes it off, he realized. Only the appearance of the Ruzzlian official they needed to impress gave him pause. Terrific, he thought sarcastically. He had to wait for his opportunity which came after the official ended the transmission. He used his injuries “not having quite healed yet” as an excuse to try to find the crew. He set Thelma to discover the intent of the doppelganger while he headed for the lounge. 

His arrival came none too soon. “Commander?” TJ's voice cried desperately from inside the sealed room. “They're sucking the air out of the lounge!”

He outwardly growled as he internally screamed. No! Not now! Not when I haven't… “Thelma!” he roared. 

He could hear them all inside struggling to breathe, trying to get to the door, as they listed the ways in which an escape had been attempted. But all had failed. “Thelma?!” he barked again, but for the first time, the android failed to appear. “Great. Now she doesn't show up.” He banged on the door, using all his strength to muscle his way through, but nothing seemed to work. “Thelma!” he desperately tried a third time. 

“Yes?” she asked innocently from behind him.

Finally! “We can't get the door open. Nothing we try works.”

Thelma mechanically made her way to the door. With an “Open, please,” the doors parted, revealing the children having been leaned against them and TJ on all fours in the middle, her mouth formed into a shocked “O.” “As Miss Davenport says, it does pay to be polite.” The android looked quite smug as she imitated TJ's accent. Had the circumstances been less serious, Seth might have laughed. Instead, he rolled his eyes as helped them all leave the room. 

They split up after, embroiled in the task of eradicating the creature and for a short time, he lost track of TJ. He worried the whole time. Not until they all gathered at the Command Post once the creature had been sucked into the protomixer to use as fuel did they reconvene. Their hearts were broken upon discovering the Ruzzlians approved, then rejected the Christa for the hyperwarp way - “The stress alone could kill your ship,” they were told, but otherwise, they were no worse for wear. Except for TJ's swollen eye. What exactly had happened there? There was a story he wanted to hear once they were in private. After the two of them caught each other's eye briefly across the Command Post and Harlan declaring, “You get an A+ for that shiner, Miss Davenport,” only Bova had questions regarding his knowledge of evil twins. Thinking fast, he gave them a story about chasing evil triplets across the galaxy, keeping a straight face the entire time, only a hint of a smirk crossing his face as he implored Harlan to trust he was the real Seth Goddard. For the number of times the students had pulled pranks on he and TJ, he was going to let them think about that one for a while.

Excusing himself, he left the Command Post, before the students could see him burst into laughter. Stopping first at the galley to secure a cup of coffee, he returned to his quarters crying from laughing so hard. Pulling a prank felt good. As a kid, he was good for a practical joke or twelve but as an adult, rarely had time to consider them. This… payback in a way… he'd catch an earful later for sure but for now, he was going to enjoy it. Sitting back on his couch, Seth took a few minutes to get some much needed rest. Harlan had said he should be taking it easy. Might as well follow that advice.

TJ arrived a half-hour later, tea in one hand, ice pack in another. It was obvious the eye was bothering her, but somehow she still wanted to check in after a long day. She was always good about that. 

“Might I come in?” she asked quietly from the doorway.

Smiling, he waved her inside as the door closed behind her. “How's the eye?” he asked.

“Hurts. But not as much as my pride,” she told them. “If you think this is bad, you should have seen her. Before she vanished, of course.”

“Got a couple of shots in?” he teased.

“Yes, well…” she demurred but she was blushing a deep shade of red that nearly matched her hair. 

He swung his legs over to sit up and patted the spot next to him, indicating for her to sit. Crossing the room in a few steps, she took the spot beside him, leaving a small bit of space between them. “It was good to have you back in the Command Post today,” she told him. 

“Not the way I expected to come back but-”

“Always an adventure,” she finished. “Seth?”

“Yeah?”

“About the evil triplets of yourself-”

Throwing his head back, he laughed heartily. “Please tell me you didn't believe-”

“You made it up?!” She smacked his arm. “Why would you do that?”

“Keeps the kids on their toes. Pull a little prank on them as they do to us. Their faces though-!”

She smacked his arm again as she glared at him. “You are incorrigible.” A tiny giggle escaped though, showing she wasn't entirely angry. 

“You think it's funny!” he teased.

Wagging her finger at him, she retorted with, “I never said-”

“Didn't have to,” he teased. “You're laughing.”

“No, I'm… did you see their faces? They were absolutely gobsmacked!” She was full out laughing now. 

He watched her for a moment, enjoying the look of amusement on her face, and was hit by several things at once. First, she was beautiful. That he had already known, but he was taking a moment to really appreciate that fact and it quite nearly took his breath away. Second, she looked truly relaxed in a way she had not been in a while. Color had returned to her cheeks, the dark circles weren't as noticeable. It was a bit before she noticed him staring. Quieting, becoming self-conscious, she asked what he was looking at. “You,” he said. “You're amazing.”

“I- not really- I mean-” She was stuttering. 

“Yes you are. You are strong and brave and feisty-” She touched her swollen eye at that. “-And beautiful,” he finished. 

Her face flushed red again. “Stop,” she said with an embarrassed smile, lightly smacking his arm again. 

Same spot. Everytime. Likely would leave a permanent bruise and he didn't care. “I knew she wasn't you.”

“Who? My doppelganger? How-?”

“She didn't look at me like you do. Didn't look at me at all, really,” he said. “She was cold. Emotionless. Unreadable.”

“I could see everything happening through the vidscreen,” she admitted. “The way she spoke… it was somehow cathartic when I hit her. Felt good actually.”

He flashed her a signature lopsided smirk as he took her hand. “I would have loved to see you do it.” He was flirting. He knew he was.

“I hit her quite hard. Knocked her lights out, I did,” she said proudly. 

“I'll bet.”

“You're quite fortunate it wasn't you with a duplicate as well. Not sure where we'd be otherwise,” she told him. 

“We would have figured it out,” he assured her. “Together.” 

“And you'd know that I was indeed-”

“You? No question.”

“I'll have to remember that for when we get home,” she said offhandedly.

“Huh?”

“For the inevitable moment we run across my sister and you won't be able to tell us apart.”

“I could tell you two apart, easy,” he declared. “She may be your twin, but based on what you've told me about her, I can do it.”

“And how might you manage that? Jenny is most persuasive...”

“You'll be the one with a conscience. The one with solid morals, character, the one who if I catch your eye, I'll be able to understand immediately,” he told her. “I couldn't… I guess read... I didn't understand or just… know… what your doppelganger was thinking or doing today. I imagine that the same reasons would apply to your sister. She isn't you, therefore, I wouldn't have the same connection I do with you. And that is how I would know.” He ended his soliloquy, taking a deep breath as he saw TJ's eyes shining up at him. “Teej?”

She brought her hands up to frame his face as she locked eyes with his. He stopped breathing for a minute- she had him completely captivated. “You daft, amazing, wonderful man,” she whispered. And then her lips were on his in a blazing kiss, a level of intensity he had never felt with anyone before. His hands moved to her waist, pulling her as close to him as he could, melting against her in a way he had never done with anyone before. 

When they finally pulled away, for want of oxygen, Seth pressed his forehead to hers in order to stay close to her, even as he tried to calm his racing heart, pounding so hard in his chest that he was convinced it would burst out. “That was…”

“No one has ever told me that they would know me from Jenny so easily,” she said softly. 

“Not the reaction I expected…” he started with a raised eyebrow. 

TJ looked mortified. “I didn't mean it as… bloody hell,” she whispered in frustration. “Why can't I even express…” Pulling away from him, TJ's hands began wringing nervously. 

Seth noticed the anxiety in her voice and uncertainty in her eyes. Reassurance was what she needed at that moment and he intended to offer just that. “What we have- you and me- we're friends, but it's so much more than that,” he told her. “I've never felt….”

TJ softened. “Shhhh,” she whispered, putting a finger to his lips. “Me too.”

“So where do we go from here?” he asked. “I mean, I know friends don't generally do… well, much of anything we do together really… but I kind of want to ask you to dinner. Of course, then I have to think about where because then we would need to wait until we find a friendly port and arrange shore leave and that might be a while and…”

“Seth, dear?”

“Hmm?”

“You're rambling.”

“Right.”

She smiled. “It's kind of cute watching you get all flustered.” Flirting. She was flirting. It made him preen just a bit.

“Cute, huh?”

“And then you go and act like a lummox again,” she told him, smacking his arm.

“I hear that a lot from you,” he teased. “Where does that term come from?”

It was TJ's turn to stammer. “It's… a Martian term of endearment.”

“So you find me endearing.” The lopsided smirk that makes her knees weak and causes her concentration to waver was back.

“I find you incorrigible,” she shot back playfully. “And I suppose it makes you a little bit endearing.”

“Just a little?”

She kissed him again. Long, slow, deep, turning his insides to jelly. “I would love to have dinner with you,” she told him once she broke off. 

“Huh?” he asked. Seth was still recovering from that last kiss, his brain not having caught up yet.

“You mentioned wanting to ask me to dinner. I'm accepting your pre-invitation,” she told him, a cheeky grin on her face. “I'd rather not wait if it's all the same though. You. Me. Galley. The mutual shock and awe at what the food wheel will supply- whether good or bad. Any time with you is time well spent.”

“I love you,” he said, the words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them. 

TJ's eyes widened in surprise. “What-?”

“I love you,” he repeated, feeling more confident as the words were spoken aloud. “It's taken me so long to get to this point but it's the truth. I was so wrapped up in my duty, my responsibility that it took nearly dying to finally admit…”

“Seth-”

“I love that you are brutally honest with me especially when I need it. I love that you trust me, even when I do something monumentally stupid. I love that you will forgive me anything in spite of my being, as you put it, ‘an infuriating lummox.’” Seth watched her face flush deep red as she playfully swatted his arm. Flashing his trademark confident smirk, Seth continued. “I love the way you make me feel when I'm with you, that I never want to let you go. I love every time we have ever woken up beside each other, whether intentional or not because every morning it feels so completely… right… to have you there, and the mornings you're not here, there just seems to be a part of me missing.”

“Seth-” she tried again, but he continued.

“But mostly, I love you, Teej. Beautiful, brilliant, stubborn, honest, anxious, strong, courageous, worrying, feisty…” He watched her face blush a deeper red than it already was, matching her hair as she touched her watering eyes. “I love every part of you and don't want to even try imagining my life without you,” he finished. His heart was pounding as he finished his declaration, heaving deep breaths as he waited for her to answer. He could feel tears welling in his eyes as he counted the seconds until she answered.

Matching salty tears had filled her hazel eyes. Beautiful, shining eyes filled with adoration and trust and compassion. “Oh, Seth,” she whispered tearily before kissing him once more. Pulling away enough so she could gaze at him, she whispered, “Have you any idea how much you are the one who is loved?” 

“Teej?”

“Along this journey you've given me a way to completely grow into myself with no judgment, having faith in me every step of the way. I would argue I'm still a work in progress-”

“You're perfect,” Seth interjected insistently.

“We can debate that point some other time,” she waved off. “More importantly, it's been you, noble, courageous, gentle, compassionate, infuriating, incorrigible, impulsive, daft, and amazing you, that has given me the very thing I never had before the Christa.”

“What's that?” he asked carefully.

“The chance to be free and truly live,” she confessed. “The ability to find out who I am. To have a family, and adventures, to love and be loved, to discover a completely new part of my identity. I'd all but given up on those things before and now…” TJ trailed off for a minute, thinking about how she wanted to proceed before landing on, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu.”

“Good description of us,” Seth told her. “And beyond true.”

Responding with a wry smile, TJ fingered the chain at her neck before pulling it out. “I haven't taken this off since…” Tears formed in her eyes and she fought them back in order to continue. “We've both said I love you a thousand times over in different ways...Our love began as a friendship that caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It is unconventional, unequivocal, and unending. It is ours. And it will be what sustains us for the duration of our journey home and after we return.”

“Something worth fighting for,” he murmured. 

“I've already lost you once. I'll be damned if I let that happen again,” she whispered confidently, a fierce determination flashing in her eyes as it came out. “Let Command just try to separate us when we get home.”

“I've said it before, I'll say it again- I feel for whoever gets in your way,” he grinned. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he added, “And for the first time in a long while, I'll be fighting just as hard. Because I can't see any part of my future without you. Nor do I ever want to consider it.”

“Then might I suggest,” she began, wrapping her arms around his neck, practically purring, “that we begin working out where our forever takes us?”

A lopsided smirk appeared then as he wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her flush against him and kissing her soundly. If this was the start to what space had always planned for him, then Seth had no arguments and looked forward to what the rest of lives had in store. Beside one another, for as long as the universe would allow.


End file.
